random post

"Sleep comes to me, but I keep waking up
I eat, but I can't digest it
These days, I'm just like this
How are you?"

"Whenever I see you, the sun shines down on my dark feelings
and makes me feel lovely again."

"I can't sleep at the thought of my mistake,
I'm a fool for thinking that I'd be okay
Today, no, even tomorrow
I won't be able to live without you."

"I thought you'd always be on my side."

"I sleep to the thought of you and wake up thinking of you."

"Am I the only one like this?
Is it supposed to be like this?
I'm just here,
not be able to do anything on my own
Are you really going to be like this?"

"Anyone would fall in love with you upon first glance."

"Am I the only one like this?
Is it only my heart that's like this?
I'm just here,
not be able to do anything on my own
Are you really going to be like this?"

"I keep telling time to go by faster while lying to myself,
that I'm okay."

"Obsessing over you just makes me more pathetic."

"Even though I toss away all my memories
You are smearing into my daily routines, my life."

"I feel like I'm being pathetic thinking like this."

"You keep walking, that doesn’t mean time passes
You keep breathing, that doesn’t mean you’re alive"

"They’re telling me that afterwards
I will smile recalling the past"

"Don’t say that tomorrow is the new day
Don’t say that after a storm comes the calm
Everything is a mess
It’s spring again to you but my season don’t change"

SMEXY (Smokin' Sexy)

uhm.. hi.

so..... it's awkward.

anyway, there's this guy.. mehehehe..

he's been quite an "eye refreshment" in my class. he's really smart, totally. he used to be in the acceleration class, but he dropped out from there and enter the plus class instead. i have always thought he's good looking but at the same time cute when i first saw him.

the first time he entered our classroom, his hair was quite long, which surprised me. because, really, boys will loke more attractive if their hair is not only 1 cm long. and his hair was sort of messy yet... alluring.

ekhem *clears throat*

anyway, because he entered our class in the middle of a semester, he was putted at the last of our class number, which... used to be mine.

my class number is 52, and his is 53.

soooo, we sits next to each other in computer lab, english lab. and we're in the same group at physics lab, and chemistry lab. and ever since that, my shcool life changed. wkwk.. we somehow got to know each other even though we didn't formally introduce ourselves.

so, today is our chemistry lab. something, well, something big for me, happened.

our group consist of 4 persons, and while the other two are busy taking some ingredients and stuff, me and this guy stays on our table. we're writing the our own lab report. and then suddenly he called me, he wanted to borrow my ruler. of course i gave it, duh. that's not the main point of this story. so when he called me, i looked up from my paper, and there it is.

we wore this lab coat right? and so there's our uniform beneath our lab coat. and guys, first of all, i'm not the kind of girl who have some pervy mind, no. i don't like looking at guy topless, especially with sixpack, ugh-_-

and so, this guy's uniform button is... you know..... ah, i have to continue in indonesian, too dangerous.

kt kan ada kancing paling atas yg dkt kerah itu, yg bikin smua org yg ngancingin itu keliatan sangat culun.

enggak, dia gak ngancingin kok. tapi ntah kenapa. entah kenapa. jarak kancing paling atas ke kancing kedua nya itu terasa terlalu jauh. jadi... ya bagian leher nya lebih ke bawah dikit itu terbuka. open, men. open. dan itu tiba2 terlintas kata yg ga pernah terlintas di otak gw. "seksi". gak boong gw men. itu sangat... ughh.. meeeh... gaaah... braaaaah... uoooo. gak sampe kelietan itu tulang apa itu.. selangka. yg di dpn tulang belikat (anak biologi banget). skin. kulitnya itu men, putih kyk susu. trs suasananya itu. berdua doang. dan wah, gw asli sepichles. itu terlalu membuat jantung gw... serasa berhenti berdetak.

i am not brave enough to tell his name, yet.. wkwkwk kapan2 deh.

Negative Thought

Okay, so today I want to let out my negative thought in this blog. It's been bugging my mind for quite some times and I can't hold it anymore.
I want to tell you about this crazy society we live in.
I believe people like to talk about this, and we've all heard about it:
"Inner beauty is more important than Outer beauty."
Well, that's bullshit.
Seriously, have you ever see that happened? like, really, in front of your eyes?
We're all hypocrites. We don't look for inner beauty, not if their outer appearance sucks. That's reality.
If they don't look good on the outside, you won't even bother to know their inside.
Just like buying books, if the cover is not good, you won't even bother to look at the synopsis.
If you don't read the synopsis, you wouldn't even know what that book is all about.
And if you don't know anything about the book,
most certainly, you won't buy it.
Just as simple as that.
Right now I'm in rage to anyone who keeps saying that Inner beauty beats Outer beauty and stuffs like that.
Dude, I live in this world, and I ain't see people doing that shit.
what the hell is wrong with this world?!
and I know it's hard to not judging someone by their appearance, but we all did that.
deep down inside, when we see someone, we've given them this 'opinion' that's not fair at all.
we don't even know them, and we don't even bother to try to know them, yet we've judged them.
it's a cruel world we live in

that's just some of the nature of humans.

Wow i really miss this place. I feel like years had passed since the last time i updated this blog.

A lot of things had happened, a lot of things had brought me down, brought me happiness, some random shit called exam is happening, the war is on going, and i know there's going to be a lot more in the future.

The thing is, i had given up liking '19'.

And ever since that, it's never the same. I don't know what i feel anymore. It feels... Empty. It does sounds exaggerating but i swear that's exactly how i feel.

Actually, we had found someone to 'idolize' again, like we used to be with 'Ronaldo' if any of you still remember. He's a first year, yes, he's Chinese. And....... He somehow (and i really don't like it) ended up in the same class as Ronaldo -_-

His name is Freddy. He's not, like, REALLY handsome. I mean, if you just saw him for a split second, he's just normal.. but. When you stop and stare at him for a while, he's flawless. Really. And he got this kind of really sharp eyes when he looks around. Ugh, it's so heart-throbbing.

Uhm, and yeah, he already noticed that we (me, monique, ila, ciripah) are madly in love with him.

Oh God, there's one time when we're peeking to see if he's inside the classroom and he actually looked outside. At us. With his sharp eyes. Melted.

He's just... Different. He's smart. Srsly. We (well, to be honest, it's me) kinda tried to know more info about him and so i looked into our school's website to find it. He's a new kid so he need to took an exam to enter our school, and so anyway we found out that he's really smart.

Even in the morning sometimes we'll see him reading a book. Yes, he actually studies. And he's not like some jerk we like back then, he did not try to stay away from us, i mean, he's just like 'well whatever'. And he's so coooool and he only got this one dude as his friend. I mean, tottally. He went almost everywhere with him.

I thought that being a fan to Freddy will somehow filled this emptiness. But, i just realized today, that it didn't.

Today i 'saw' 19. Well, actually, my friend did. We're walking to the front gate to go back home. And she dragged me with her, passing this table. Monique was walking behind me, and i was talking with her. And it's hard talking to our back, so i turned my body a little bit and i continue on talking:

"ko ada uang nik?!" and Monique didn't reply so i said it again with a louder voice.

"ko ada uang nik?!!"

And that's when i realized right in front of my face (which i turned to my left) it's him. Right there. Sitting and talking with his friend. It's not far from the place i stood. And he looked at me. Maybe. I guess. But i think it's just for a split second.

Why did i wrote this? Because now, that's the only thing that got stuck in my head. That's the only thing i've been thinking about since i went home

So i realized, i still care about what he may think.. And i still care about how i look in front of him. And it hurts a lot. All this time i've only been hiding my true feelings.

But i'm too heart broken already to continue on liking him. I didn't exist in his world, i should've known better.

Oh yeah, did i forgot to mentioned that i have deleted him as my friend on facebook? It's like a month ago.

i've given up. i'm empty. i'm hopeless. i'm a coward. i'm a loser. i'm a quitter. i've already lose before the war even started.

thank you for being a part of my story

i know,

i know, it's been more than a month since my last post...
wkwkwk.. i just don't know what to write.
it's been kinda quiet (READ: extremely busy) days.. but now, i've got several things to announce.

1st:
I quit, I give up from liking 19.
WHY???!!
well, now that i've became an 11th grader, i don't see him that much ._.
you know, my class is on the 1st floor, while his is on the 4th floor. of course, every recess i went to the 4th floor to see my old clasmates (i even think they got sick of seeing my face LOL) but he's always, like ALWAYS, inside of his classroom.
and even when i happened to came accros him on the stairs or wherever, my heart doesn't beat that fast anymore... it's just like POOF! all the feelings just disappear.
no more feelings, just memories.

2nd:
i do hope you guys still remember Ronaldo.
yeah.... he's so hot.
like, totally. now he's a 10th grader, and his class is on the same floor like my friends. and him wearing a high school uniform is like oh my gawddd..
but don't worry, we don't like him like the old time anymore.. it's really just like a refreshment for our eyes. and he already got a person he likes.
sometimes we saw him after our extra class because he entered one too.. yeah, his appearance is flawless. too bad his personality sucks.

3rd:
I'm in love with this newbie boyband called Teen Top they just released they 1st mini album, and all of their songs is just......


this is the one that i really love

his full name is Ahn Daniel, they just called him Niel. aaaaaaaaaaaaaa~
another one is him:


he's more like the manly type you know? his name (well, his stage name) is L.Joe

4th:
lastly, SUPER JUNIOR IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!
they just released their 5th album. oh GAWWWWWWWWWWWWDD



yeah, wicked.

there's this translation of a song that i just read. the title is "Good Friends"
this is the part that kinda got me:

I was so tense the first day. I wasn’t able to say anything.
At that time I never thought we would have so many days together.

aaaand this:

There will come a day when we will have to separate.
We might not be able to see one another.
When that happens, our memories will give us strength until the day we are able to meet again.

Truly, I hope me and my best friends can do that. I hope we'll have a long relationship together. I hope my child/children can meet them, and I'll introduce them as my very best friends. And I miss them a lot.

Long Break

Okay, how's holiday? Mine WAS fine,
I went to Bandung, Jakarta, Bandung again, Cilacap, Jogja, Bandung again, and then back to Medan.
The trouble is right now.
I'm in medan again, and my parents suddenly (well, not really) decided to renovate the house.
Jadi ya lu bayangin lah men. Balik2 setengah rmh gw bolong ._.
Dan gilaaaaaaaa rumah gw isinya debu. Sumpah debu.
Paling parah itu ruang tamu, soalnya masih kyk setengah jadi gt kan, jendela nya blm dipasang.
Jadi pas gw lg nyapu tu ruangan, gw ga bs napas. Pernah ga sih ke sauna? Tau kan rasanya klo ud terlalu lama di dalem, terus rasanya sesak ga bs napas soalnya ruangannya penuh sama udara panas? Nah gitulah di ruang tamu gw, tp bukan krn udara panas, debu.
But it's fun...
Well, we look as if we're going to move out.
We took out all of our books from the wardrobe, and the put it in a big boxes
And that IS tiring
After that, me and my brothers took a break from house, and went to my father's campus to practice our driving skills again.
And then we went back home, struggling to move the BIG wardrobe and now, here i am. Me shirt is super wet and i'm struggling. Should i take a bath? Well, i think i need to. But, yeah give me some more time
You wanna look at my "future" house? Well, you probably don't, but here it is anyway.
This is going to be my future room.


yeah, it's currently used to hang our laundry -_-
This is going to be my brothers's

And this is goung to be our new entrance.


The wall behind it? It's my room. Yeah, my beautiful room. They're going to break that down too. But not until the new rooms are finished.
I really love my room ya know. I mean, the room is really totally blue-ish, but they're going to paint the new room of mine with blue color too, so it's fine.
This time i'm going to hang all of the posters i've kept kekeke~
ah, i can't wait.


You think what's the connection from the title?
Well, i want to take a break from this cyber world.
I'ma deactivated my facebook acc, abandoned my twitter, and leave this blog to hibernate.
You'll see me sometimes on Tumblr.
Oh, and i also will turn off both of my cellphones. I'm kinda allergic to people this days.
Maybe i'll turn it on once a week or maybe not.
I don't really know why i did this. Maybe because i want to see who's going to miss me haha
Nah, i think i want to get used to it, since i want to start studying more serious in 11th grade.
Sammy will be hibernating for a long time too.
Yeah, so... That's that. Bye.

Relation

so people, i've been playing The Sims 3 in my cousin's laptop.
yeah, that thing really is addictive.
while playing that game, i learned a lesson.
you know how in The Sims we always need to mantain our relationship with our friends? or our lover and our family.
without reliazing it, i feels pissed off. why do we always need to be in contact with them so they'll stay as our friend?
and i really lost a lot of friends in that game, since i am too busy thinking about my life, my career.
but you know what the irony is?
my sim just got depressed for 24 hours.
seriously
and then she just felt like usual again.
i wonder if that's also that easy in real life
if you lost your friend/s, of course at first you'll feel depresed. but then time pass, you got busy with your whole new world without your friend/s. you'll eventually MOVE ON.
you'll forgot about your friend/s sooner or later.
it didn't even crossed your mind anymore to chat them, let alone text them

relation IS complicated.

but you know what? if they're worth fighting for, they'll try to mantain your relationship.

so if they don't, just the hell with them

no, don't force that "how are you?" to them if you don't give a fuck
don't told them "i miss you so much!" if their name didn't popped out in your head EVERY TIME.
don't even dare to gave them even the slightest care if you're forcing it.

anyway, beware of fakers. they're everywhere. feel it with your heart, and you'll know who's real.

aaah, i hope ending a relationship with people is as easy as farting.

quick post

okay, i gotta keep you up to date with 19.
so, the other day (well, long, long, long ago) i asked my friend to wall 19
it's nothing actually. i just wanna make sure that he picked science for 11th grade
and so he asked,
and he answered.
he said yes, he did choosed science
and my friend so stupidly asked his number. wkwkkwkwk
whatever
he said he doesn't have cellphone anymore.
he lost his cellphone. and he won't got another cellphone until like, 11th grade.
and the way he replied to my friend's wall was so so so so so so so so adorable.

and this happened yesterday.
i was stalking his facebook account, and somehow i got to the-indian-boy-i-mention-quite-a-few-time facebook account. it's private. but that's not the point. you see, his profile picture, got 19 in it. and not in the uniform, oh no, but in white shirt and short pants. WHITE SHIRT AND SHORT PANTS.

fffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

i really want that picturee!!! but how the hell can i get it. because adding him (the indian boy) will be quite.......................

and thus, the end of my post

days when i'm gone

remember when i said there's only 1: 1000000000000000000 possibility that i'll met him? well,
here goes:

WEDNESDAY-25 May 2011

- physics
- kinda nailed it
saya keluar jam 10 dari kelas. saat berjalan di halaman sekolah ke arah kantin, 19 jg baru keluar dr koridor tengah. damn.

THURSDAY-26 May 2011

- economics & sociology
- economics: fine, sociology: awesome
saya keluar jam 9.30 gitu deh klo ga salah. terus kan gw ke kantin dulu nunggu sampe jam 10. gw ngeliet dy. di kursi bawah pohon. yea, gw lagi makan. tapi abis itu pas gw memalingkan wajah, dia menghilang.

FRIDAY-27 May 2011

- chemistry
- dead.
didn't saw him. well, i'm pretty much a ghost that day. because, well, it's chemistry.

SATURDAY-28 May 2011

- moral & english
- dua2nya adalah sepotong kue (baca: piece of cake)
yeah, i saw him. dan kali ini dewa.
jadi kan gw keluar nya cepet tuh. 1 jam udah keluar. nah tp pas gw di kantin, gw gak ada ngeliet dy. jadi gw pikir jangan2 dy udah pulang. nah udah gt kan gw, ila, ciripah, sama monik mau liet jadwal les buat hari minggu soalnya senen ujian matematika. jadi ya dengan santai berjalan ke lantai 2, udah selesai, kami langsung misah sama monik dan ciripah.
NAH
pas dijalan balik ke kantin tiba2 ila: "ren, ren!"
itu sih biasanya artinya ada 19. jadi kan gw langsung *searching* gitu dan.. sepertinya sedari tadi dia sudah berada di kantin. tapi ketutupan tanaman gitu loh. tanamannya ini tinggi. gatau sejenis tanaman apa ya.. ya, jadi seperti kata ila, kalo dy gak ngasi tau, gw ga bakal tau 19 ada disitu. soalnya gw udah mikirnya dia pulang.
abis itu yaudah kami duduk di meja kami. gw mengikuti sosok 19 dibalik tanaman2 itu. trus kan pandangan gw terlepas gitu, jadi gw dengan seksama dan mata rada di sipitin, mencari kembali sosoknya. trus ada yg menghadap ke arah kantin gt kan. gw udah mikir gini "itu 19 bukan ya? itu 19 bukan?" dan masih sambil ngelietin. trus org itu ngebalikin badannya lagi, dan, ya. itu 19. oke deeeh... awkward........
abis itu kan 5 menit sebelum jam 10 gitu gw ngajak ila ke wc, ya, buat ngeliet dy. jadi kami berjalan seperti:


cukup dewa? oh belum..
abis itu gw dr wc, dari pintu wc, diem2 kyk stalker ngeliet ke luar. tiba2.... dy lewat. tentu saja ada tembok setinggi 1 m gitu dan untungnya dy ga ngeliet ke kanan. tp ttp aja. waw. abis itu gw suruh ila memberi jeda waktu sebentar supaya ga ketauan. jadi kami berdiri di dalam wc dengan wajah seperti ._.
setelah itu saat keluar........

*note: jarak pendek artinya gw jalannya lambat, dan kalo panjang berarti lari.
yak, abis itu dy pulang, jadi saya jg pulang.

MONDAY-30 May 2011

- Math
- killed.
- didn't saw him

TUESDAY-31 May 2011

- Indonesia language and Geography
- nailed Geo, but totally humble to Indonesia languange
well, this time it's pretty ngaib. jadi intinya catatan biologi gw dipinjem sama tmn sekelas gw dan dari kemaren2 dy lupa bawa mulu. tetapi karena bsk adalah pelajaran biologi, of course gw ancam dy kalo ga bawa -_-
jadi gw nunggu dy kan di kantin, tp kagak muncul2 jg. 19 jg gak ada btw. trs udah hampir jam 10 gitu, monik dan ciripah pulang. gw sama ila ingin mencari temen gw itu. terus kami ngumpul bersama teman2 kami di belokan ke tangga gitu (emang lokasinya sangat....)
terus gw minjem hp cakra buat nelfon cewek nya temen gw itu kan. terus katanya mrk udah mau turun. oke deh jadi kami beramai2 nunggu disitu.
akhirnya alwyn (nama temen gw itu) muncul bersama ceweknya (meilinda namanya). langsung lah gw mendekati alwyn dan tanya mana catatan gw. si alwyn masih bercanda kalo dy ga bawa. gw udah ngamuk. dan gw lagi mengeluarkan suara2 aneh menandakan gw kesal. ternyata 19 di belakang alwyn. dan saat itu dy melewati kami. dan saat itu nadia mengatakan "ren...ren.." dan yg lain ngeliatin gw dengan mata yg........

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

WEDNESDAY-01 June 2011

-biology
-no comment
-no, i didn't saw him
-went to karaoke with my friends.

"If you don't give up on getting there,
then you're not on the wrong road.
Even if the place you arrive at
isn't the one you were hoping for,
just search out the next road from there.
If you do that,
you'll eventually arrive without fail."

last post

yak, jadi seperti judulnya, ini bakal jadi post terakhir buat bulan mei. lusa saya akan menghadapi ujian semester. yak ujian yg sangat ditakuti oleh semua anak Sutomo. penentu kenaikan kelas, dan di Sutomo itu sama sekali tidak gampang untuk naik kelas. jadi lebih baik saya mempersiapkan diri sebaik-baiknya. apalagi, hari ini ada momen terindah untuk dijadikan kenangan.
langsung ya ke momen terbahagia nya.
jadi gini, kan krn gw ikt les di sklh, jadi sehari sebelum ujian fisika, kimia, dan matematika pasti ada les. nah, hari rabu itu ujian fisika. makanya besok itu ada les.
jadi kan kami gak tau jam berapa tuh masuk les nya (memang, dasar -__-)
jadi kami ke lantai 2 lah tempat mading2 segala macem jadwal dll ditempel. pertama kami ke mading deket kantor administrasi kan. tp ternyata itu buat les matematika. nah gw sih udah give up ga tau mau nyari dimana lagi.


tiba2 monik sama ila manggil: sini, sini.
jadi ke mading di sebelelah perpus gitu. yowes kami jalan kesana lah kan.
EH ASU. ADA 19. dia lagi berdiri ngeliet ke mading juga. dan ohmaigot itu ganteng kali. padahal dari belakang -_- dan ternyata monik sama ila sengaja manggil kesitu.


dan ya gw jelas aja mundurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ke belakang dan jauh2 dari mading sapaya bisa ngelietin dy dengan puas. gila men. kurang ganteng apa lagi sih lo, hah?
hhhh gw salting. banget. jadinya ciripah yg ngelietin jam brp dan dimana kami les nya wkwkwk. gw mah udah gak ada harapan. bisa pingsan gw rasa. GILAAAAAAAAA WOY GILAA!!! ITU JARAKNYA KLO GW JALAN KE DEPAN AJA LGI BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEUH. tapi ga munkin. gw ga kuat. bisa2 pingsan.
abis itu ya kami terpaksa pulang soalnya ya udah gak ada urusan. shoot, padahal dia masih lama kyknya disitu. yah trus kan gw tadinya mau lewat tangga sebelah mading. biar bs yaaa ngelewatin dy. tp kgk ada temen -_- akhirnya gw ke kanan sama ila fiona nadia. ciripah monik sama nurul ke kiri. NAH

gw kan biasa, kalo udah ngeliet dy gitu pasti, PASTI gw mau ngeliet dy lagi. jadi pas lagi jalan itu tuh gw noleh ke belakang kanan. lewat jendela perpus gw ngeliet tembus ke tempat mading itu.
DAN
ASUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
dy jg ngeliet. oh crap. oh sh***************t
gila men. gila. jantung gw lepas. copot. jatoh. kecebur. nyelam ke air. ih dewa.
♥.♥

tentu aja gw langsung ngebalik satu detik kemudian. jalan cepet2 sambil nyeret ila, abis itu lari.

udah gt krn nyokap blm jemput, gw sama uli nunggu di dpn pagar aja kan. lamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa gt 19 keluar dr pagar sama temennya 1 org. untung dy kgk noleh2. gw kirain dy pulang kan, taunya dia ke tempat fotokopi depan sklh. omaigoooooooooot gw seneng gila!!!! abis itu kan ya gw nungguin lah sampe kapan dy keluar.
pas dy keluar (lama jg nunggunya), ya gw gak ngelepasin pandangan gw dari dy. dy langsung ke kanan gt jalan. dan CRAP. kyknya dy ngerasa, jadi dy ngeliet ke kanannya gt. ya gw langsung pura2 ngeliet ke arah lain WHICH IS GA GUNA. jangan2 dia udah mikir gw stalker skrg ‎​(-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩___-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩)
ya tp abis itu gw ngeliet lagi, dan temennye ngeliet gw alamak -_- bodo lah.
abis itu pas dy mau noleh lagi, ya gw ngeliet ke arah lain. gila men. gila.
gapapa gw dianggap stalker, ini hari terakhir (mungkin) gw bakal ketemu dy lagi sebelum lamaaaa lg. soalnya pas ujian dia di lt 3. gw di lt 5 hhhh jadi kemungkinannya 1:10000000000000 bisa ngeliet dy lagi

ya, si india itu ada lagi. di dpn sklh itu jg ┐(‾.‾ )┐ ‎/(_'_)\ ┌(_O_)┐ \(‾▿‾\) \(‾▿‾)/ (/‾▿‾)/┌(_O_)┐ ┌( ‾.‾)┌

more ngaib moment

hari ini lawak kali.
ekhem, jadi pas pelajaran kedua kami hari ini (fisika)
aku monik dan fiona mencium bau yang sangat tidak menyedapkan.
asli bau gila. gw heran. lu gabungin aja bau kentut + kotoran manusia + sampah, gitu lah kira2.
jadi bau ini tuh muncul tiba2 dan menghilang tiba2
suka2 dia aja.
dan yaa beginilah kira2 percakapan kami selama pelajaran fisika

*hening, ciripah mengerjakan soal2 fisika*
fiona: ugh, dia datang!
iren: dia datang, dia datang!!! *mendekatkan tangan yg sudah diberikan semacam minyak angin ke hidung*
monik dan fiona: *mendekatkan tangan ke hidung*
iren: bau kali!
fiona: bau kali!!
*dia hilang*
*kembali ke kegiatan masing2*
*dia kembali*
iren: datang dy, datang!

dan ya kalian bisa tebak begitu terus sampe 2 jam pelajaran fisika selesai....
kemudian hari berlangsung suram dan senang.
gw sama asisten gw, monik dan fiona, membuat danbo (a.k.a kotak geram/kubus galau) punya cakra. milik kami belum tiba2 juga -_-
tapi punya cakra cacat. soalnya dia ngeprint sendiri dan ukuran nya ga bener semua -_-
kemudian kan pelajaran terakhir kami di lab, jadi usai sekolah, kami cepat sekali sudah di lantai 1. monik ciripah dan nurul meninggalkan kami begitu sampai di lantai 1 (biasa, anak mamak. cepat pulang). jadiii gw ila dan fiona ujung2nya tinggal bertiga. kami nongkrong di bawah pohon. gw sesak pipis. jadi km ke wc anak sma tp rame kali. kami balik lg ke pohon, terus bla bla bla bla bla bla sekian, fiona pulang dan gw sama ila tinggal berdua. ke wc lagi. kali ini berhasil.
NAH
begitu keluar dari wc (wc itu tepat bersebelahan dengan tangga), 19. baru saja sampai di lantai 1. yeah. jadi ya.... gitu lah. gw langsung
"aduh bangke nya ini. mana lagi aib pulak."
dy pake acara berhenti gitu lagi di dekat tangga. sedangkan kalo mau pergi dari situ, harus ngelewatin dy. jadi pas gw udah menuju/mendekati/mengarah ke tempat dy bersama teman2nya, mereka pun jalan -_-
gw: "tunggu, la! tunggu. biar dia duluan aja yg lewat"
gw gak tau dah itu dy kedengeran apa kagak. yg jelas gw ud dagdigdug-an. jadi kami jalan di belakang dy dan kwn2. gw nutupin muka pake buku biologi (gak tau juga kenapa....)
terus wkt udah nyampe lingkungan sekolah yg terbuka, dy ke arah kanan dan gw buru2 ke kiri. pas mau ke pagar gw ngeliet anak kls sebelah (21) dan ya berbincang2 sedikit. udah selesai kan, kami kembali berjalan ke kiri. tp gw ngebalik dulu mau nyari 19. gw sambil nahan ila agar jalannya pelan bilang gini: "mana ya dia, la?"
terus ila ngebalik juga dan menggunakan jari telunjuk nya untuk mencari 19. yeah, jadi dy kyk nunjuk2 gitu. krn gak keliatan gw kirain 19 udah pulang. TAUNYA, yeah dy di depaaaaaaaaan kami. yeah. bersama teman2nya ngumpul ternyata di situlah. emang jarak nya jauh, tp gak jauh2 amat juga. nah jadi pas gw udah ngeliet dy, dy kyk memalingkan wajahnya ke arah teman2nya. yeah, jadi dy abis ngeliet ke arah kami. dan pas gw udah ngeliet dy, dy ngeliet ke arah lain.
berarti pas gw lg muter2 nyari "seseorang", dy ngeliet.
dan ila sambil nunjuk2, dy ngeliet.
jadi, kami langsung lari abis itu




cukup sudah ngaib nya

yeah

hari ini saya bosan. sepertinya tidak ingin bercerita tentang 19. sepertinya
tadi di otak gw muncul hal ini, gara2 bokap dan mak sedang bersiteru gara2 pagar.
yeah, konyol -_-
tapi apa boleh buat, namanya juga suami istri.
jadi ini yg muncul:

nyokap: sangat gampang bersosialisasi --> nurun ke bang andre
bedanya:
nyokap: gampang, krn pede
bandre: gampang, krn gak ada malu (maap bro)

bokap: sangat susah bersosialisasi --> nurun ke uli
bedanya:
bokap: susah krn wibawa
uli: susah krn (SOK) cool

gw:
bokap + nyokap = freak

yeah, cukup menggelikan jiwa dan raga saya. tapi memang dapat dikatakan itu benar. justru tidak cukup hanya freak, tp gila. sangat gila.
tadi di sekolah, gw megang stapler/hekter/jekrekan punya ila ato fiona gt yg udah rusak. jadi kan biasanya yg bagian ada isi nya itu kan nyatu sama atasnya. nah punya fiona/ila ini enggak. jadi gw merhatiin gituuuuuu. dan,
gw coba "memperbaiki" nya. dan ujung2 nya gw kejepret/kehekter/menstapler jari jempol saya (soalnya gw megangnya pake 2 jari jempol)
UNTUNGNYA kagak dalem. jadi yg sebelah kiri rada dalem dikit tp yg kanan cuman kyk numpang lewat gt. tp yg kanan berdarah banyak, dan menjadi tidak pedih lagi dalam tiga detik. yg kiri, darahnya beku, pedih setelah tiga detik - sekarang.
gila? iya. mungkin gara2 gw lagi bikin danbo (tu kotak unyu) jadi gw kecapekan (keliatan dr foto) dan tidak bisa berpikir dgn jelas



aduh kyknya ga sanggup klo ga ngebahas soal 19. jadi gini , kan jadi dr hari senen kemaren tuh gw menggalau pengen MOVE ON dari 19. gitu deeh. pas rabu masuk, 19 ga msk sklh. padahal yaaa dlm hati gw masih berharap dy dtg gt deuuuch
nah hari ini. giliran gw udah BENER BENER mempersiapkan diri untuk melupakan dirinya, HARI INI DIA BANYAK KALI LEWAT2 KELAS. asu nya ini -_-
kata ciripah sampe 6 kali. gw udah bilang ke mereka klo dy lewat jgn kasi tau. tp gw ada sih keliet pas dy dtg pagi2 dan pas ntah kapan. jadi ada 2 kali yg gw keliet.
btw si india itu masih muncul terus loh klo gw ngeliet ke luar -____-

curahan jiwa

hay

hari ini saya ingin curhat. meluahkan emosi yg sudah meluap (?)
jadi gini men.
gw menyadari sepertinya gw berubah. sikap gw mksdnya.
bukan jadi buruk jg sih, cuman ya berubah.
gw dulu nih ya
ga pernah suka ngedenger/ dipanggil/ menggunakan kata2 "sayang", "honey", "darling" untuk sesama cewek.
bukan apa2, sumpah. tapi rasanya risih. dan terlalu berlebihan.
tapi,
akhir2 ini semenjak gw sudah bbrp bulan menetap di medan, gw menyadari itu bukan hal yg buruk. tp gw jg bknnya selalu manggil temen2 gw gitu. hanyaaaa, gw jadi make kata2 ituuu buat tmn2 gw yg di malay ato di jakarta ato di bali.
why?
sebenernya sih simpel. gw baru nyadar. memang penyadaran itu selalu datang terlambat.
gw sadar, selama ini gw di malay gw ga pernah ngerasa gw bakal jauh sama temen2 deket gw disana. sehingga gw jarang mencurahkan rasa sayang dan cinta gw kepada mereka. klo diinget2 sih kyknya gw jg belum pernah bilang gw sayang sama mereka secara face to face. gw ngucapin selalu lewat dunia maya / telekomunikasi dan itu pun sesudah gw di medan.
gw sadar gw telah melewatkan banyak saat2/momen2 bahagia tanpa memberitahu mereka betapa bahagianya gw bs meluangkan wkt bersama mereka. sehingga, sekarang, saya ingin mereka semua tau kalo gw cinta sama mereka. tidak apa2 terlambat, daripada tidak sama sekali. makanya gw sering banget mengucapkan kata "i love youuuu" tp hanya krn saya menambahkan banyak 'u' dan kadang merubah2 seperti i LAP yu , bukan berarti makna dari kata2 itu berkurang.
i realized how i really love the way we all laugh together, the way Farah move her hands when she talks, and the way Retna laugh that make the whole universe feels like collapsing, the way Nadia made THAT kinda face when she didn't follow our conversation, the way Belin cover her face when she laugh so hard, the way Ira does all that stupid things, the way ALL of us play.

and the most of all,
I MISS THEIR VOICES.

i remember the last time i went to KL, and they called me. and when i heard their voices, there's this tingling sound that went in to my ear, this long-forgotten-but-still-familiar sound.
i still remember all their voices exactly like the laaaaaaaaaast time i heard it. i love it. that's the sweetest voice i'll ever heard next after my future husband's XP

kemudian saya ingin bercerita tentang 19 (ga mungkin enggak ada post ttg dy). kira2 ntah 3 hari belakangan ini, setiap saya ngelewatin kelas dy, dan tentu saja melongo ke dalam, dy sedang memakai topi. topinya wrn abu2 gitu udah gitu dy pake nya dibalikin. jadi yg bagian depan harusnya jadi bagian belakang (?)
dan somehow dy jadi jarang keluar kelas gitu. tapi bkn berarti gak ada. cuman maksudnya klo bukan emang harus ke lab, ke ruang multimedia ato lab english, dy JARANG keluar kelas. klo pun dia ke wc, dy lari.......
jadi gw ga bisa terlalu merhatiin dengan seksama lah ya kan. klo pun dy lewat toh yg gw liet itu wajahnya. sampek tadi...
pas gw mau ke kantin seperti biasa noleh ke kls 19 dulu. dan dy POTONG RAMBUT. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~
pantes (mungkin) itu sebabnya dy jadi jarang keluar kelas. soalnya memang sih biasanya klo dy potong rambut itu jadi freaky gmn gitu, walaupun klo gw yg liet mo gimana pun ttp aja ganteng.
but.. saya kembali mendapatkan perasaan ini loh (klo kalian pernah naksir sama orang diam2 pasti kalian mengerti)..perasaan klo kita mengganggu itu orang.
gw kemaren2 ini tatapan mata sama dy ampek udah 3 kali (ASLI SUMPAH ITU DEWA BANGET) tapi yaaaa gitulah.. kemudian gw menggalau, bermelankolis. apa dy sadar ya? -___- ada kemungkinan yg sangat besar sih .tp... gak tau lah.. klo dy sadar mungkin dy nganggep gw mengganggu kali ya.. soalnya gw bener2..kyk...stalker...........

oh ya dan ada hal lawak tp menyebalkan. setiap ada orang lewat kelas kami kan pasti terlihat lah dr jendela, dan gw tuh refleks selalu liet ke luar. tapi, selalu klo misalnya gw berharap itu 19, yg ada malah ank india kelas dy... si tinggi...

sixteeen

so, today is my birthday.
i'm really happy (of course), all the people that matters in my life wished me happy birthday :)
i think i'm very blessed
i realized, yet again after a long time, that there ARE people who actually care for me
you know,
i used to have my birthday celebrated in my house :)
all of my friends would come, from far far faaaar away
and we would sat in my living room and sometime watched movies, or even just went outside to the park
we would ate the food that my mother has cooked. we would ate the cake that my mom has bought.

well, of course, this year is different

wow, it's like realizing that things truly are different.
i used to see all of my friends in the school, and they would wished me happy birthday
now, all i recieve is a text. i can't even hear their voice

oh my God, the tears are falling wkwkwk






i don't know how to feel
my birthday used to be so cheerful and lively and all of that.
but this time, truly something is missing
there's this HUGE, MASSIVE emptiness in my heart.
something BIG is missing





but of course i am happy. today almost all of my friends in my classroom wishes me happy birthday :) and there's this guy named Agus, he already wished my happy birthday yesterday, and today he wished me again like 6 times .......
and cakra gave me this mug with a picture of me, picture of me with my bestfriends, picture of suju m, aaaaand a picture of kyuhyun. i'll post it someday later :)
aaand monik gave me (well, actually her mother choosed it :))) and so it is a *ekhem* hello kitty water bottle. the color is pink.
and theeen Cecil gave me this little pillow sama guling kecil nya juga wrn biruu :*
udah gitu pas pulang anak2 mo ngasi surprise tp ga jadi kwkwkwk
tp gw seneng kok. kita makan kue donat gitu
and bonus hari ini:
gw tatapan mata lagi duongzszsz sama 19
ahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
>_<

memalukan.

oke, straight to the main story krn saya sedang sibukzzzz wkwk
JADI
kelas saya hari ini super extra panas. liet ya men, udah super, EXTRA lagi.
jadi klimaks panasnya itu di pelajaran b indo. ibu guru kami gak masuk (ternyata pas ketemu kemudian, dia bilang males -_-)
nah karena kepanasan, (btw gw make cardigan. bego? iya.) jadi gw kyk pake tangan nge gulung2 rambut gw jadi kyk disanggul gt loh, tp ga gw iket. jadi gw tahan aja gt rambutnya pake tangan gw, udah gt gw kipas2 pake..ya...kipas gw
trus fiona bilang gini:

fiona: ren, iket aja lah rambut mu kalo panas.
me: ..... oh, iya ya! *mengikat rambut*

nah karena panjang rambut saya yg dulunya itu poni skrg panjangnya nanggung gt, dan berhubungan gw lagi mengajarkan fiona dan ciripah bermain rubik, gw stress + kepanasan = rambut gw kacau. ntah lah dy kayak lepas sebagian gt dr iketan rambutnya. dan sebagian itu mksd gw gini:


jadi setelah itu kan istirahat makan siang (1 jam) dan pelajaran kami setelah itu tuh laboratorium, jadi kami harus turun ke lantai 1. nah, kami mengambil waktu rada lama untuk bersiap2. jadi gw BENER2 mikir 19 udah turun. men, dia biasanya begitu istirahat langsung *shuuuuuuuuuuuuuush* turun ke bawah. jadi gw asli udah gak tau muka gw kayak gmn (ya, ternyata kyk di atas itu). jadi sambil jalan ke luar begini kira2 percakapan kami:

*hampir mendekati pintu kelas*
ciripah: ren, gak sia2 ko ajarin aku rubik, aku udah bisa yg 2 row.
iren: iya, saya bangga padamu, nak (GW LAGI NGIPAS2 MUKAK GW PAKE KIPAS) *sudah di koridor kelas* *19 keluar dr kelas bersama rombongan, berjalan ke arah kami. 19 di sebelah kiri ke arah saya, dan saya di sebelah kiri ke arah dy. JADI, bersebelahan gt lah*
ciripah: iya ren! saya bangga *19 makin dekat* memiliki *makin dekat* guru seperti anda *disebelah saya*
me: *hening*
*jalan sedikit*
me: mmmmmmmmmmmmm
*jalan dikit lagi*
me: aaaaaaaaaa
*jalan dikit lagi, 19 kyknya udah di tangga*
me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
aku ngaib?! ngaib gak?!!
monik: enggak lah ren, biasa aja. gak ngaib kok.
*didepan kelas 9-9*
me: anjing, ngaib.

kayak pembantu2 itu loh muka gw. pembantu abis beresin satu rmh. rambut gw di ceplok ke atas gt. kata ciripah aja kyk di rmh, kyk mo mandi.

hhhh... giliran ada momen2 berahagia seperti ini, gw ngaib. banget. ekstra. tudemeks.

trus kami turun lah ke lab. di lab gw sibuk benerin rambut -_-
abis itu setelah berbuat bodoh. SANGAT bodoh, kami ke kantin. mau hunting makanan. jadi.
di jalan. di jalan ke kantin. di halaman sekolah. 19 datang dr pagar sklh masuk ke dalam halaman sekoalah.

oh yeah.

saya lemas. ingin pingsan. mau nyebur. mau mandi, panas.

yeah abis itu pas lab, dy gak lewat dr dpn lab lagi balik dr persekutuannya itu. gw rasa semenjak gw ikut ke persekutuan wkt itu (untuk pertama kali dan terakhir kalinya) dy gak pernah balik lewat dpn lab lagi. galau? oh jelas.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

men. hari ini dewa. tapi ngaib. tapi dewa. dan ngaib.
jadi begini, seperti yg telah saya singgung di post sebelumnya, hari ini kelas agama.
mari saya jelaskan ttg kelas ini sedikit.
kelas agama itu ya, selalu diawali oleh berdoa dan diakhiri oleh berdoa.
nah, hari ini 19 duduk di blkg gitu. dan krn saya duduk di depan, susah ngeliet ke blkg -_- tp tdk apa2 lah.
NAH
kemudian datanglah saat memalukan part 1.
jadi, saya terlalu terbawa suasana santai pelajaran agama. sehingga saat bel berbunyi menandakan pelajaran kami telah selesai, saya, inge, dan beberapa orang lainnya langsung berdiri. kami sudah sampai di depan kelas. tepat di depan kelas. dan saya merasa aneh kok banyak yg tidak keluar. saya melihat ke arah 19 dan dia tersenyum lebar gitu. aneh? ya. jadi ternyata ya begitu. masih harus berdoa. saya LUPA. jadi saya kembali ke tempat duduk dengan sangat teramat merasa malu.

setelah selesai berdoa, saya berdiri (lagi) dan baru keluar. krn 19 duduk di blkg, jadi saya santai2 aja. EH. tiba2 jarak dia dan diriku sudah lumayan dekat. dia sedang berbincang2 dengan teman sekelasku. saya tentu saja panik. jadi saya berjalan dengan cepat. mencoba menghindari mengaib di depan dirinya. inge berdiri di belakang saya. dan karena di koridor ramai orang, jadi jalan saya pun terhambat. tapi saya bisa mendengar suara 19. yang sepertinya kok cukup dekat. dia berbicara seperti ini:
"where..is your notebook?" ke teman sekelas saya itu. WHICH IS SO CUTEEEEEEE
kemudian tiba2 Inge mencolek pundak ku dari belakang.
here comes the "saat memalukan" part 2.
saya menoleh ke belakang kiri saya. dan mata saya. lansung. bertatapn. dengan. 19. dia. sedang. melihat. ke. depan. tepat. ke. depan.
ANJEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENG
tentu saja dengan sedikit slow motion saya membalikkan kepala saya.

kemudian sesampai di kelas Inge berdiri dekat dengan saya, dan tentu saja saya memberitahu dengan "baik2" bahwa itu memalukan. dengan kata2 seperti "sial ko nge", "bangke", dll.
tapi, belum berakhir oh belum. 19 masih memeperpanjang percakapannya dengan teman saya. jadi dia berdiri di depan kelas saya. BUSET DAH DI DPN KELAS. DAN SUDAH MEMASUKI BAGIAN PINTU KELAS KAMI.
dan saat memalukan part 3 menyambut.
gw berjalan dengan salting ke dalam kelas. mencoba berjalan dengan NORMAL dan kembali ke tempat duduk. tapi baru saja beberapa langkah. BARU SAJA, saya ketendang kursi guru.............................
tidak sakit, saya serius. tapi suaranya ntah kenapa sangat kuat. dan setelah itu saya tidak berani melihat ke belakang. pas udah sampe meja dengan malu sudah tak tertahankan, saya melihat dia ternyata meminjam cd dari teman saya ini.

KLIMAKS:
pas pulang sklh tadi, saya memang sedikit berharap bisa melihat 19 pulang. tapi tidak berhasil sepertinya. jadi saya keluar bersama teman2. saat di depan pintu, kami terhenti sebentar karena ingin menunggu teman kami yg lain. dr situ saya melihat 19 di ambang pintu kelasnya. tp begitu saja. kemudian, teman kami itu ternyata menyuruh kami duluan saja. jadi begitu saya dan monik berbalik, monik tiba2 bilang gini klo ga salah "koncet lah." itu semacam "anjing lah." ternyata kecengan monik lewat. saya tentu saja menertawakan dia. dengan sangat senang. kecengan ila tadi udah lewat.
jadi baru beberapa langkah kami berjalan. tiba2 19 dan teman2nya sudah berjalan ke arah tangga.
SIAL. BANGKEEEE. ASUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU. KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM
jadi gw panik langsung menarik ila dan berjalan dengan cepat.
TAPI SIALNYA KALO PULANG SEKOLAH SEMUA MEMBANJIRI TANGGA. JADI KAMI HARUS BERJALAN DENGAN SANGAT, SANGAT SLOW MOTION.
GW GA SUKA KALO KECENGAN GW DI BELAKANG SOALNYA GW GATAU MUKA GW GIMANA DAN GW GA BISA NGELIET DY.
asu.
ya jadi begitulah. perjalanan turun ke bawah diliputi oleh hati deg2an dan melirik/menoleh ke belakang untuk melihat di mana dy.
DAN
pulang sekolah itu pasti ngaib.
DAN
saya ngaib.



HA
HA
HA

oh, hi!

maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, it's May already.
yesterday is his birthday ._.
yea,
so i kinda posted happy birthday on his wall. butttttt he didn't even opened his facebook -____-
well of course i'm dissappointed
and anyway, even if he did opened it some days later, my post would've been on the bottooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom of his wall.
you know how many friends he got on facebook? 1009.
yeah, awesome.
anywayyyy two days ago i went to Brastagi with my family. it's............. SUPER TIRING.
i'm just not used to sport anymore.
the only sport i do here is going up and down to/from the fifth floor -__-
we did this activity "jalan sehat" or you can say "healthy walk" LOL. no, just jog.
for 1 hour and 30 minutes.
1 hour and 30 minutes.
1 hour and 30 minutes.

without warm up or even cooling down. so today, my thighs, my ankles, my back HURT LIKE HELL.
today in school is okaaayy.. well the lesson is boring. but i saw him for a few times which is good.
there's this one time when i walk past by his class and when i looked inside, he's wearing this hat the other way around. which, of course, so adorable.
and there's also this one time when he walked back to his class after break time. and he's walking while holding this "teh gopek" (tp harganya goceng -_-) and i'm like:
"baby, baby, baby, oooh~" upss, wrong. i'm like:
"hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~" and then i just.....

but let's always hope that tomorrow will be better. and tomorrow is Tuesday. and Tuesday is Religion class, and Religion class is the only time i can be in the same class as him.
SO!
i'll pray and pray and pray and pray that i'll have enough courage to do something. anything. please.
just give me the moment, and i swear (i hope) i'll do something good.

wednesday fun time

ya teman2 hadirin sekalian, saya sedang online ym pada malam hari ini dan kemudian vinca menyapa saya lewat ym nadia. ternyata beliau sedang menginap di rmh nadia.
terus mereka mengajak video call.
jadi kami pun melakukan hal tersebut. dari ym hanya sempat mendapatkan 1 buah foto. soalnya men abis itu Sammy lowbat. dan sebelum uli dtg membawakan charger, dy sudah mati ._.

nah, krn ym pun lag2 gitu... jadi berniat pindah ke Skype
saya langsung bikin Skype saat itu jg, langsung download + install, kemudian kami mulai lagi.
ya intinya bisa dilihat di foto2 berikut:











ya dan skrg kami masih melakukannya B-)
seneng bisa ngeliet muka dan denger suara mrk lagiiiiiiii <3<3<3<3
i dont talk that much because well, i'm alone in my room, duh!
but i did that because i want to hear their voiceessssss~

smile!

dewa.
hari ini terlalu dewa. akan terbawa mimpi. terbayang2.
gilaaaaaaaaaa men!!
jadi hari ini kan gw cepet bgt ke sklh gara2 uli msk nya cepet dan bokap ga bs nganter.
jadi ay ride becak bersama.
sesampai nya di kelas, suasana sunyi sepi senyap damai dan tenang.
cuman ada nadia, alwyn, meilinda, erwin, kenny gt deh klo ga salah gw.
trus ya lambat laun temen2 gw tiba satu2 kan.
trus dimulai lah pelajaran matematika. pelajaran pertama sekaligus terakhir untuk hari ini.
pas bapak guru nya masuk gitu klo ga salah brp lama kemudian 19 lewat mau masuk ke kelas nya kan. tp trnyata ada tmn2 nya dr kls keluar gt jadi mrk berbicara sejenak (dibalik tembok, jadi gak kelihatan -_-). ya, ga sejenak jg sih, lumayan lama. akhirnya mrk masuk ke kelas.
udah gt pas lagi pelajaran, dy ke wc tp gw ga liet. pas baliknya, monik bilang "ren!" gt baru deh gw ngeliet dy lewat.
NAH.
pas pulang nih ya, gw bimbang. gw gatau dy udh turun apa blom. emang sih sejauh yg gw perhatiin dy blm ada lewat. tp siapa tau? mungkin gw kelewatan kan... tp akhirnya gw turun bersama ila dan monik. ciripah dan piona sedikit lbh duluan dr kami.
trus karena LAPAR GILA, kami keluar dr gerbang sklh dulu sebelum les, dan membeli sate padang. (perhatikan gambar!)


saat lagi membeli nih ya (a.k.a ngaib) gw menghadap ke arah pagar dan....
SHOCK.
19 berjalan keluar dr pagar. oh ya btw hari ini dy pake jaket wrn item which is sangat ganteng.
nah, yg klimaks dewa nya ini nih! pas dy lagi jalan gt, baru keluar dr pagar nih, dy kayak lg ngomong sama tmnnya disebelah kanan dy (atau disebelah kiri dr sudut pandang gw) NAH DY KAN NGELIET KE SEBELAH KANAN SAMBIL KYK MEGANG PUNDAK TEMENNYA ITU. DAN. DIA. TERSENYUM.
ANJIR SENYUM NYA ITU LEBAAAAAR DAN SANGAT GANTENG DAN LESUNG PIPIT NYA OHMAIGOT.
nah. yg lebih klimaks nya itu.... OUR EYES MET. yeah.
jadi dy lagi noleh ke kanan gt, tersenyum lebar bersama temannya (of course) tp matanya tuh.. ke gw..........
GILAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
asli gw langsung salting tudemeks.
gw langsung dgn gerakan slowmotion menolehkan kepala gw ke arah lain. soalnya jantung gw udah gak karuan lagi deg2annya, gw takut mati.

setelah itu, pas les (sate nya ga jadi di makan soalnya takut gurunya dtg. btw gw LAPER GILA.) gw ngungkit itu terus sama monik :)))))))))))))))
ampe udah muak muka nya denger kwkwkwkwkwkwk
"ih nik, td 19 dewa kali"
"ih nik, senyum nya itu loh"
"nik..."
monik: "-___________________________-"
ya gitu lah kira2
tp monik bilang dy juga shock pas liet snyum 19. YA IYALAH MEN GILA ITU KLIMAKS GANTENG.
wih, pas pulang nya nih. gw kan naik becak.
di jalan muka gw tuh kyk gini:

termenung, terbayang2 wajah 19 pas senyum td.






MATI.

three times

hay!
jadi men.. gw dr hari kamis mgg lalu gak ada liet muka 19.
soalnya jumat tgl merah, sabtu dy ga sklh, minggu ga sklh, senen ga sklh jg.
jadi hari ini gw dr kemaren udah berharap
berharaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap bgt supaya dia sklh dan entah bagaimana caranya gw bs ngeliet dy. lebih tepatnya, wajah nya.
jadi.... ya dr begitu gw nyampe kelas, tiap ada yg lewat kelas kami gw noleh.
tp ga lewat2 juga.....
tp akhirnya pas gw lagi ngobrol2 sama monik (which mean gw ngadep ke arah berlawanan dr jendela) tb2 monik bilang gini "REN!"
gw langsung muter lah kan 180 derajat. "kok ga ada siapa2?"
ternyata dy lagi di balik tembok (yg item2 itu tuuh) jadi ga keliatan. soalnya ada ank kls gw yg manggil dy gt. tapi ya pas dy jalan lagi tentu aja gw liet.
truss pas pelajaran mtk, dy lewat. yea ke wc...hhhhhhhhhh
abis itu pas plg ntah knp dy cepet bgt lngsng keluar kelas (ga biasanya)
kyknya lagi terburu2 gitu. uuuu~ tp jadinya pas dy jalan ngelewatin kls itu mukanya mengkerut :(

gw bimbang men. gw skrg lg di ujung tebing yg curam.
gw gatau. gw pengen give up. soalnya dy sepertinya ya bahkan tdk tau siapa saya.
gw baru yaa... menyadari klo dy sepertinya siapa pun yg nge-add di fb pasti di accept. jd dy sepertinya ya bahkan ga pernah menyadari kehadiran gw.
tp di saat bersamaan, klo gw ga ngeliet dy tuh kyk ga ada semangat hdp
dan klo ngeliet dy itu lngsng senang.
serius dah.
bahagia.
tp gw jg sakit ati
elah labil gila gw jadi manusia ya -_-

gini lah men, kalo lagi jatuh cinta/hati itu kita bukan hanya jadi labil, tapi juga egois.
setuju ga?
klo kt naksir orang, kita pengen org itu jangan pernah jadian sama siapa2. padahal kita jg ga pernah mengambil resiko BAHKAN UNTUK BERBICARA BIASA.
kita bahkan gatau gmn dy sebenernya, tp merasa udah yg paling tau semua soal dy.
kita sakit hati klo misalnya sesuatu yg kita harapkan dr dy ga terjadi, padahal? kita bukan siapa2.
nah mending klo kenal, kalo sekelas, kalo temen. nah kalo strangers?
nasib.
gw kemaren2 ini baca komik. jadi ada dia bilang gini
"destiny is not something we wait for. but something we make."
YEAH RIGHT DUDE.
but i'm a coward, so, no chance for me.

gw bbrp hari ini mencoba meyakinkan diri gw kalo gw sebenernya cuman "kagum" sama dy dan bukan "naksir". tapi mngkn ga ya klo cuman kagum gw bisa patah hati? mngkn ga sih klo cuman kagum, gw deg2an tiap liet dy lewat kelas doang. bahkan cuman liet punggungnya. mngkn ga sih klo gw cuman kagum, gw nge post tumblr dan blog itu cuman bnr2 mikirin dy.

love sucks. feeling hurts. people is hard to predict.

super klimaks galau

jadi men, demi apapun hari ini sudah sangat membahagiakan.
pas istirahat pertama td, gw mau nemenin ila ke kantin. fiona ikt sama kami. pas ngelewatin kls 19, gw ngeliet dy kyk nanya ke tmn nya yg lagi berdiri di dpn pintu "mau ke kantin ya?" gitu lah..
nah tp pas gw udah jalan trs, gw liet blkg, dy ga ada. jadi yoweslah.
nah pas gw ampe di belokan mau msk ke lorong kantin yg sangat sempit, apatah lagi terdapat kayu2 gitu di bawah; aku, ila, dan fiona terhenti. rame gila sumpah mamen. jadi kami rada minggir gt. dan krn gw td jalan nya rada di dpn, gw ngebalik lah kan buat ngeliet ila dan fiona. jadi gw nanya ke ila: "ila mau beli sesuatu gak?"
dan, di blkg sebelah ila itu 19.
sama temennya.
dan gw shock.
gw langsung merasa lunglai.
tp dy ya ttp aja pergi beli ke kantin, sedangkan gw sama ila dan fiona kembali ke kls.
nah pas istirahat kedua jg ada adegan yg geram tp bisa jg dianggap freak.
jadi gw mau ke wc. sama fiona sama nurul. kami ke wc. wc nya lagi dibersihin. mau turun ke bawah, ga sanggup. di bawah jg pastinya udah rame kali. semua numpuk kesana.
jadi dengan sabar kami menunggu saja di dpn wc itu. pas akhirnya kk itu selesai ya gw msk lah kan. sedang berbuat, gw denger cakra teriak, TERIAK, dr luar kamar mandi cewek "IREN!!" gitu.
pas gw keluar baru lah cakra ceritain. jadi dy abis dr wc, dan di wc ada 19. dan wkt 19 lagi ehem, benerin celananya, si cakra ngelietin dy sambil senyum2 (DEMI APA INI FREAK) nah tp 19 dengan gerammnya nyapa cakra "oi" gitu.
geram.
sumpah geram.
abis itu ada juga nih pas istirahat ke 2 itulah kan gw ngeliet tmn2 nya itu lg di luar. jd gw ya dr dlm kyk ngeliet2 lewat jendela blkg kan ada dy apa gak. dr tmpt duduk gw tuh. kyk org freak. dan begitu gw ngeliet gt, 19. dep . langsung pandang2an. yea gw abis itu ga berani lg liet ke luar.
setelah pulang, makan, dll, gw buka fb. monik bersama ku disebelah. dy stalking fb kecengannya, gw nunjukin fb 19. nah pada monik terjadi hal yg, klo gw yg ngalamin mending bunuh diri aja. jadi dia kepencet "Like" di salah satu fb kecengannya yg udah 1 bulan yg lalu....
langsung di unlike tp kan ttp aja udah masuk ke notif nya. udah gt gw sign in. gw lietin fb nya 19.
nah gw ngeliet ada Recent Activity nya lah kan ya. tp ga ada brp menit yg lalu nya gitu ato brp hari yg lalu. jd gw buka aja wall tmnnya yg dia post. dan tulisannya "10 minutes ago"

demi apa.
gw langsung patah hati.
berarti dy online.
dan dy tidak membalas message saya.
dan walopun gw udah pasrah dr bbrp hari yg lalu,
gw ud mikir klo pun dy ol ga bakal di bales soalnya udah jadul kali
tp ttp aja gw masih ada berharap.
dan rasanya sakit bgt klo tau negatif thinking kita benar.

gw galau. monik galau.
jadi, gw DEACTIVATE account facebook gw.
monik pun mengikuti jejak gw dgn sebelumnya nge-like post kecengannya itu. asal aja. udah ketimbang malu dr td.
jadi

kami

bukan

pengguna

facebook

lagi.

sekian.

19

hari ini:
- 19 terlambat. jd pas istirahat pertama ato pas ud selese gt dy baru msk kls

- wkt istirahat ke 2, gw buang sampah ke luar. pas msk ke kls, ternyata dy lg berdiri di dpn kls nya. kyk wkt itu jg. dan kyk wkt itu jg, gw ngelietin dy trs. kali ini gw bener2 berdiri dan ngeliet ke dy. dan kyk wkt itu jg, dy ngebalik badan begitu ngeliet gw ngelietin dy.

- pas istirahat makan siang, gw turun ke bwh. mau potokopi kertas2 soal gt. dan bangke. pas gw ampe bwh, ila tiba2 bilang gini "ren, ren! blkg!" dan pas gw ngeliet blkg, dy. gw ga tauu demi apa udah brp lama dy d blkg gw. dan gw ga tau udah seberapa aib gw selama dy turun tangga di blkg gw. tp yg jelas bgitu ud tau dy di blkg gw, jalan gw percepat. yea, jadi dy ud jauh gt di blkg. gw jd lebih leluasa ngeliet ke blkg. tp ya pastinya klo dy ngeliet gw langsung ngebalik. naah udah gt pas ampe gerbang sayangnya krn rame org, saya harus melambat. ckck, itu deg2annya udah gatau gmn kerasnya. yg jelas gw jalaaaaan aja trs. ampe akhirnya ya dy prg gatau kemana. gw misah ama ila, ciripah, dan fiona. mrk beli sate sdgkn gw sama monik potokopi. gw udah mikir aja, klo jam segini 19 baru keluar (apalagi dy bawa tas), mngkn ntar gw bisa liet dy lagi pas udah di kls. soalnya, potokopi nya tdk berlangsung terlalu lama. EH, taunya pas gw keluar dr tu toko, dy. di sebrang jalan lg mau msk ke gerbang. dgn cepat dan sigap dan sedikit menyakitkan gw menarik tangan monik dan bilang "itu dy! dy!" dan ya sehingga kami berjalan di blkg dy. pas msk gerbang, kami join dgn ciripah, ila, dan piona kembali. ya, tiba2 19 noleh ke blkg. OHTUHANKU ITU SANGAT SANGAT DEMI APAPUN GANTENG BGT. nah, sepertinya dy tengah mencari seseorang. di kala panas, saya tidak mengetahui siapa kelak nya seseorang yg ia cari.
yea.
tp ud gt ya krn ciripah mau ke koperasi, di lahan sekolah, saya mengambil jalan ke kiri sedangkan ia ke kanan...

- ampe atas ya ngelewatin kls dy lg dan ngeliet ke dlm dan ngeliet dy dan dan dan...

- nah pas plg sklh, dy masih nyalin catetan di papan tulis. jadi apadaya, saya langsung turun saja


- gw kurang lupa, eh mksdnya kurang inget kpn tepatnya yg ini terjadi. tp dy lewat kls gw. dan lewat nya itu lari. which is sangat geram. gw sih dr blkg nya aja udah tau itu dy. jd ya gw nunggu kan ampe dy balik. dan seperti biasa, itu lama. tp tidak seperti biasa, pas dy ngelewatin kls kami, dy tersenyum. tersenyum lebar tp gak freak. oh sangat tidak freak. terlalu, oh terlalu. hhhhh

gak sanggup.

random feelings

01. i miss them so much today, more than any other day.


=============================================================
02. i missed it. i missed that moment when he walk past by my class. i wasn't looking at the window FOR.JUST.ONE.SECOND. and i didn't saw him at all for the rest of the day.

=============================================================
03. super thinking hard.


yea, what's that supposed to mean? then what about Ronaldo? i think it's almost 6 months ._.

=============================================================

you know, this past few days i've been extremely sad, depressed, over-thinking, feeling lonely a.k.a "GALAU"
just because of this one person/man/boy/crush/the person i kinda love rite now. i took a risk. but maybe it's not risky enough, though -_-
i sent him a message via FB. and when i look at the date, i sent it on 31st of March 2011. HAHA. what date is it today? yea, 11th of APRIL 2011. and he haven't replied yet. maybe he won't.
everything will be so awkward anyway if he replied. i mean it's so yesterdaaaaaaaaaaaay. he probably would just click the button "delete" and act like he never read that super-extremly-stupid-and-awkard message.
yea,
T_T

people makes me "galau", sammy makes me "galau", my bff makes me "galau". hhhhh why haven't there come anything that makes me happy?
i'm trying to remember the best day that ever happened to me.
but all i can see is your smile.
you know, he have dimple when he's smiling. and that's like SUPER CUTE.
but, i never saw him smiling when he's not with his friend. well that's actually makes sense, because if he smiles while walking alone and nobody is around him, wouldn't that make him, like, a freak?
but, even though he's not smiling, he look so cool.
but, then again, he never looked at me.
he never noticed me.
i'm just "somebody"
T_T

memories, flashback, tears and laugh

so today in the morning my mother was busy cleaning up the bookshelf. and she found this:


now that's my old document keeper when i'm in my third year of junior high school.
and wow, dude, the power of memories. once i touched this thing, flashback came. and wow... that's super hurt. i remember all this time dude. we came every saturday to have this thing called "pengayaan" to help us for our National Exam. if i'm not mistaken, Saturday is for Biology and Indonesian. the teacher of Biology is ALWAYS late. haha I remember ALWAYS coming early and just sat in front of the office, waiting for my pals to come.
i also remember the Chemistry lesson. it's always so hilarious. it's like the same questions over and over and over and over again. and the real funny thing is: i always got false at the same question over and over and over again. and i remember i'm laughing in the back with Belin because of our hilarious teacher.

this paper, i really REALLY love it.


it's awesome.
and there's this another one:


i remember that was the time when we're still in our old classroom, and i'm sitting next to Nadia. she wrote that :*

and then i realized one thing:


dude, we need to get pass those crap to be a senior high school student. dude, that's harsh.

and so, here's some random pics:

ciao,
xoxo

Hari Menguntit Ronaldo

jadi teman,
hari ini dewa. Ronaldo dewa kali geng.
pagi2 saya berangkat ke sklh, sdh diawali dengan macet yg seperti biasa parah di belokan mau ke sklh. nah jd saya yg sedang kebosenan (tp sebenernya udah jaga2 jg sih) asik ngelietin ke kiri kanan + kaca spion
DARI JAUH AJA gw udah tau itu Ronaldo yg jalan. dr kaca spion yg kecil itu gw udah bisa nyadar itu Ronaldo. emang semua tu ga ada yg bisa nandingin Ronaldo. jadi, gila men. untung dy ga nyadar gw ngelietin. dy sibuk jalan. dengan gaya jalan nya yg ohkambingku sangat KUEREEEEEEEEEEEEEEN. pas dy lewatin mobil gw, beuh. BEUUUUUH.
nah abis ituuu saat2 di kelas dilalui dengan galau, sampailah kita ke saat pulang sekolah.
jadi, kami sedang berjalan dr tangga kan menuju kantin blok F. trus ntah kenapa, pokoknya kami ngeliet Ronaldo (kami nya itu gw, Ila, Monik). dy lagi nyenderan di tembok di koridor tengah gt lah. GILAAAAAAAAA gantenggantenggantenggantenggantenggantenggantengganteng. mana dy pake acara nyenderin badannya ke tembok/tiang itu lagi. aduh unyu. dan kami stop. ya, di tengah2 semacam lapangan di sklh kami itu, kami berhenti daaan ngelietin Ronaldo aja.
dan abis itu tentu saja dy menyadari. dan pas dy berjalan ke arah gerbang, kami mundur gitu kan dengan teriak2 histeris. uuu asu ronaldo unyu geram kaliiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!
ya abis itu dy jalan ke gerbang, dan kami ngikutin diem2 (gak juga sih...)
eeeeeeh tiba2 dy ngebalik. bangkeee... langsung dgn panik "balik lagi! balik lagi!!!"
yea, abis itu dy asli sengajaaa bgt jalan2 di dkt situ. di dkt parkiran mobil guru agar kami dapat melihat wajah tampan nan unyu nya itu dengan sangat jelas. kecuali Ila, krn dy gak pake kontak lens hari ini. asli geram. dy nunggu jemputaan~ hhh adeeeeeeeeeeeeeek
abis itu Ica join kami kan. ya bersama menguntit Ronaldo. dy jalan ke gerbang lagi, dan ya kami nguntitin lagi. dan dy jalan ke daerah kasir (kyknya apapun yg berhubungan dengan Ronaldo ada kasirnya), tapi krn itu tempatnya menjebak, kami berpikir sejenak ingin melakukan apa. kalo misalnya kami langsung ke tmpt itu dr blkg (gaya stalking biasa) jangan2 abis itu dy lngsng balik lewat depan. tp ga mngkn kan lewat dpn? jadi kami terdiam sejenak. mana ada tmnnya yg kayaknya disuruh Ronaldo lietin kami (kayaknyaaa)
nah, disini ada bagian yg sedikit.....
Ica, yg ntah kesantet apa, ingin memberikan coklat (beng2) ke Ronaldo. asli... jadi akhirnya kami nemenin Ica ke tmpt Ronaldo itu dr blkg. tp Ica aja yg ngedeketin (YA IYALAH) kami sembunyi di balik dinding aja ngelietin.
dan ya, tentunya, Ronaldo menggelengkan kepala. GAPAPA KOK DEK, TETAP GERAM.
yaa setelah itu Ica kecewa dan ia pulang meninggalkan kami. ga berapa lama kemudian (bener2 ga lama kemudian) Ronaldo ternyata balik.soalnya dy ga ada lagi disitu.
yaa.. kami pun menyerah, sudahlah, gitu pikir kami. tiba2 tmn kami yg dr luar sklh msk dan bilang Ronaldo di dpn pagar. DAN DISINI LAH FREAK KAMI TUDEMEKS.
jadi dy berdiri d dpn gerbang di sebelah kanan. gerbang itu hanya terbuka sedikit. sehingga kami melihat Ronaldo dengan melongo kan sedikit kepala kami ke sebelah kanan. dan menikmati wajahnya dari samping yg ganteng sekali itu. untungnya ada satu cewek dan satu cowok lagi anak sma yg menghalangi kami dari Ronaldo. sehingga dy (mudah2an) tdk bisa melihat kami. disini freak soalnya kami ganti2an. Monik, gw, Ila, monik, gw, Ila. ya begitulah. tp abis itu Ronaldo bener2 udah di jemput. jadi kami pun masuk kembali ke dalam sklh.
19 ga sekolah hari ini :(