27 June 2012

Forever.

okeh.
jadi banyak sekali yang terjadi, banyak yang perlu diserap, banyak yang perlu diceritakan.

liburan gw bener2 penuh dengan movies dan books. niatnya sih pengen ngabisin novel2 ini semua, tp ga selese2. film2 jg cuman sebatas napsu awal download banyak2, tp terus mood mau nonton nya ini susah.
nah, kemudian hari yang paling ditunggu2 tiba. 21 juni 2012.
gw nyampe tuh jam 8 pagi di LCCT. jam 9an nyampe KL Sentral. check in dan mandi siap2 dll ampe jam 11an kali yak, abis itu gw langsung naik ktm ke stasiun Putra. gw udah turun ke jalur Seremban padahal harusnya gw tuh ke Rawang. arahnya berlawanan. Seremban itu biasanya kalo pengen balik ke rumah (aka Kajang). jadi gw buru2 naik lagi dan turun ke platform yg lain.
kira2 15 menit kemudian gw nyampe stasiun Putra.
dari situ aja gw udah ngeliet SIK aneh banget... tp trs gw ttp kalem dan jalan pelan2.. awalnya gw heran, kok pagar nya disini? ternyata sekarang pagarnya emang udah ada 2.
begitu gw masuk. dari depan kantor nama gw udah di teriakin #berasaartis. kayaknya retna yg teriak. soalnya retna yg pertama meluk gw.
yeah, retna lari meluk gw :*
kemudian pinka abis itu ira kalo ga salah. abis itu gw jatoh. abis itu adel nadia shara dtg.
kacau gile. kangen gila. gw ga bisa napas. tp gw seneng. banget pangkat tak terhingga. gw suka dipeluk anak2 :) gw sayang lo semua!!
abis itu ya krn temen2 gw emang sibuk kerjaan OSIS, gw ga lama2 di sekolah. balik ke hotel, siapin energi utk bsk.

terlalu banyak ya sebenernya yg pengen diceritain.. tapi gw langsung ke kesimpulannya aja deh #apaandeh

sejujurnya gw selama ga pernah ketemu mrk lagi nih ya, gw merasa mereka udah berubah lah apalah. dan udah punya kehidupan sendiri, udah lupa sama gw, dan sampah2 lainnya.
tapi seriusan ya, itu karena gw sendiri yg ga pernah berusah berbicara sama mereka.
setelah dipikir-pikir, mungkin gw juga terlalu sibuk sama hidup gw disini.
dan kalo soal berubah, kita semua emang berubah.
berubah lebih dewasa, berubah lebih gila, berubah lebih kalem, berubah lebih USIL (nyindir seseorang wkwk), berubah lebih sarkastik, dan sebagainya.
sekarang setelah bertemu dengan mereka, apa salahnya dengan berubah?
malah gw rasa perubahan itu perlu.
dan fakta bahwa kami masih bisa menerima satu sama lain dengan perubahan2 baru itu kan menandakan bahwa kami BENER2 teman.

gw ngerasa bego sendiri kalo nganggep mereka sombong gt. maaf ya teman2..

dan yang paling penting ya, disana tuh kenangan kelas 3 smp itu datang kembali setiap detik.
6 hari gw disana itu kyk mimpi. tp ada barang2 yg gw beli dr malay di kamar gw jd gw tau itu bukan mimpi. itu nyata.
gw bisa ketemu mereka lagi. walaupun ga komplit, tp gw yakin suatu hari. kami satu kelas, kalo bisa satu angkatan, bakal ketemu lagi. kalau Tuhan mengizinkan.
gw janji gabakal punya pikiran begitu lagi.
soalnya gw yakin, seberapa jarangnya kt bicara satu sama lain, kalo kt ketemu, percakapan itu bakal mengucur aja keluar. soalnya kt punya kenangan. kenangan paling berkesannya tentu saja di kelas 3 smp. tp sblm itu kt jg udah kenal kan?

Sekolah Indonesia Kuala Lumpur, tempat gw mengenal arti teman. tempat gw mengenal arti persahabatan, tempat gw mengenal menerima kelemahan orang lain, tempat gw berusaha menjadi teman yang baik, tempat gw mendapat banyak canda tawa begitu juga dengan tangisan, tempat gw mendapatkan kenangan terbaik sepanjang hidup gw.

kalo orang bilang kenangan SMA mereka tidak terlupakan, gw bilang kenangan SMP gw kekal selamanya.

06 June 2012

Strangers

from strangers -> friends -> best friends. and backwards the cycle repeats.

what is strangers? well, the definitions you'll probably get from dictionary are these: an outsider, and one who is neither a friend nor an acquaintance.

but for me, it's not that simple.

strangers could be:
- people who used to know each other so well, but then for some reason they got apart, move on with their lives, and didn't even remember the other person. and when at some point in their lives they passed each other, their brains won't recognize the other party.

- best friends that stop contacting each other because they don't have anything to talk about and their chats just turned to be awkward and meaningless and then stopped completely.
for this, i have an example.
back when i'm still like, what? first year of jhs, 
i have this best friend whom i really consider as an older sister.
there's even this friend of mine who thought we're REALLY sisters.
the world sure feels like ours.
and when she's going to move, we made this promise sort of contract.
that we will never forget each other
and when we're in the same country we shall meet.
we made the "rules" for our future meetings.
we signed it, and we even ask our moms to signed too.
for a few first years she moved,
we still talk
we still meet
we still care about each other
but then, slowly, she seems distant
i feel like she's so far away.
and just like that
it stopped

- strangers could also mean even though you're still friends, but the other party stop involving you in their life's matters :) you know, one thing about being friends for me, is that no matter how unimportant that thing is, no matter how meaningless it seems to be, you'll tell your friends. always. always. always. 
any unimportant matter in your life, you will definitely most probably always share it with your friends.

- uuh, and strangers could also mean the people in the background. yeah. they don't matter in your life, they didn't exist in your life. and even when they're gone, you don't even notice.
most of the times, i feel like this.
and mostly most of the times this feeling is for the person i like.
i'm more like the people who admire the person i like from far, far away.
therefore, i will always be invisible.
and mostly most from most of the times, that person know nothing about me and my existence

- and lastly, strangers could be someone we don't know anything about. nothing about their pasts, sometime not even their names, their occupations, nothing. but then, have such a big impact in our lives. this kind of strangers were destined to meet you by God. the little things strangers gave to you, could made your day. could safe your life. could torn you apart. could change your life.

and i shall close this post by quoting a lyric from Keane's Disconnected.

I feel like I just don't know you anymore
I've been wrong and I've been there too many times
We walk in circles
The blind leading the blind
We've been disconnected somehow

There's an invisible wall between us now
I've been wrong and I've been there too many times
We walk in circles
The blind leading the blind

05 June 2012

I don't know

Time flies so fast. time didn't stop for anyone. that, i know.

gw udah mau kelas 3 sma.

you know, a couple days ago i had a dream.
the dream was really..... beautiful. really.
i don't dream that often. it's very rare for me to dream, but i did, just few days back.
what was the dream about?
well, here's the truth about dream: when you woke up, the only thing left is the feeling from the dream.
slowly (sometimes quickly) your memory about the dream fades.
and when you try to remember it, it'll fade even faster.
but i do remember the dream about this.... boy.
i don't know who he is
i never saw him before
but in that dream, his face was... familiar.
i know, it's a dream.
and anyway, the rest of the dream was blurry, but one thing for sure: me and him... kinda, sorta, i guess, like each other.
okay.
 so.... the feeling he gave to me was really beautiful. he was... patient. i remember the dream was going for years. i mean, we "knew" each other but i don't think at that time i like him, yet. so couple years later, when we were more like an adult, he's still there. he's still beside me. and just like that, you know, i feel warm.

the thing is, ever since i entered high school, this  bullshit they call happy ending and "the one" and prince charming and kind guy, i didn't buy it anymore.
and i just lost confidence in dreams, in stories, in myself.
 but somehow, after that dream, it's like God is trying to say to me to be patient.
i know, it's just a dream.
but because of that dream, i'm letting go. i'm letting go the people that (i'm not even so sure right now) I like. i need to stop hurting myself from liking a person.
you know?
it feels really hard at first, but then, it's empty. in my chest. like a big, heavy burden has been lifted up.
i feel good.
and you know what?
screw this thing. i mean, if there comes the day for me to fall in love again, then so be it. i don't need to push it. giving myself misery. being the one who makes myself miserable. it's pathetic.

and i feel like i've learned a lot this year.
i'm better at letting go.
so does the past.
i miss my past. i miss my whole junior high school life.
but then, i remind myself, "hey, it's not like you can't see them again?"
and it's like being awakened from a long sleep.
i know, there's a brighter tomorrow.
if you miss them so bad? chat, text, mention, write, call.
do something.
the thing about change is,
we can change it back.

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