19 December 2015

People (人)

Was it two days ago? Ah, no, it was three days ago.

It was a peaceful daily day for others, but, well at least to me it was hell.

I only had one hour sleep that day (and that was because i forced myself to sleep).

Yeah, it was the deadline for our final project this semester. F-ing architecture school.

Anyway, that's not what I want to talk about. After I finished with the presentation (don't ask me how it went) and other stuffs, I went to get lunch with my friend.

It's been a while since we ate together even though our desks in studio are just back to back.

Before long, another friend of us showed up. She ended up joining us for talk after lunch.

We talked from the most trivial thing to somewhat more personal stuffs.

I... always remind myself not to be a judgemental person. Mostly because I hate being judged. That's why this is not a judgemental post. I just... found out more about my friends.

I don't know if this has been known but I prefer to be a background person. Like, seriously. I don't mind not being acknowledge by the people I don't care about. Whatever people I don't know think about me, I honestly don't mind.

So our conversation that day ended up to a direction I'm not too comfortable about.

My two friends are talking about their reaction when people do bad or unpleasant stuff to them.

I don't really...

Okay, anyway they said when somebody did something bad to them, they would make those people pay, the same amount of 'pain' or more. My friends said they absolutely won't settle for less. And then they added that they feel some kind of satisfactory when they get their 'revenge'.

I never said I'm a kind person, nope. I'm just indifferent.

I don't care if somebody did something bad to me, because most probably I don't care about that person.

So I was kinda taken aback with what my friends said...

I... used to be pissed whenever my mom could still be so kind when our relatives treat her wrong. But now, I think I could actually say to my past self that I was such a kid.

Was it age talking (omg, I'm not even that old), or was it because my mom really did a great job raising me, or was it because God's words finally come to my consciousness, like I would know something like that...

It's just once again I'm bewildered by the nature of some people.

I never understand the point of revenge. Whenever I got pissed, it'll be washed away after I fell asleep.

You're wasting your energy for stuffs like revenge. Rather than that, wouldn't it be better to focus on improving yourself? Your parents raised you to at least be a decent human being.

I have tons of aspects in my life I need to improve on. For the time being, I myself can't be sure whether I'm a decent human being or not.

I don't have time for people I don't care.

That's just that.

10 August 2015

Supernatural (n)

Why is it that humans tend to disagree on matters they cannot understand; things that are unfathomable.

This thought came to be a few days ago when me and my family was on our way somewhere I can no longer recall.
My mom was looking at something on her Facebook wall and suddenly said,
"There are still people who believe in things like aliens..."

Don't misunderstand, I don't believe nor do I have anything against supernatural things.
It's just I always think that I'm an open-minded person. Or at least I would like to be an open-minded person.
From aliens to archangels and demons and reaper or stuffs.
I breathe fiction.
Like, my whole (mental) life has been built on fiction.

But

The more I read, the more I fantasise, the more I write, the more I imagine, the more I want to run away from my reality.
I guess it's a given. Hell, it would've been weird if I didn't think of that.

Isn't it nice to live in a fantasy world?
To be able to create a whole different dimension where you'll never get hurt.
Where you don't have to suffer.
Where everything will be alright.
Where you feel like you belong.
.
.
.
Where you finally be able to love yourself?

"Tragedies nowadays aren't popular--"
That was something I read in a comic book.
I wonder if supernatural beings could be considered tragedies?

I mean, the fact that we need to categorise it into a certain category seems a little bit sad.
This is (most) probably my mind rambling but I really want to drawn myself in fantasy.
Down,
down,
down,
into the deep sleep.
Let me dream forever.
Where werewolves can roam through the avenue.
Where succubus sell flowers and chat merrily with a tanuki.
And there will be an orthrus taking care of it house.

I'm not making any sense...
I never did anyway.

The point is:
People need to have more imagination.

10 May 2015

Countdown of sort

It's 21.42 right now where I'm writing this post. It's 10th of May.

If anyone reading this know when is my birthday, yes, it is about the end of my teenage years.

It's tomorrow.

And I don't know, back when I was like 17, I read this post my cousin wrote about the unimportant worry of being 'old' and I thought, 'hell yea, it's not something to be afraid of.'

But

It is different when you're the one experiencing it.

I thought I'm ready.

I thought I can face this upcoming birthday head on, you know...

but I don't.

I'm scared.

I don't know if I'm going to make the right decisions in my life or if I would still be as immature and dependent as I am right now.

I don't know how I am going to cope with adulthood with my very, very, laid back personality -- my nonchalant ways of living.

I am genuinely horrified of what's going to happen.

You would think that because of my nonchalant persona i would not worry about this--this shifting in my self. but I do, I really do.

I have never embraced changes my whole life. no. well, most of the times.

and this it the first time I won't be celebrating it with my family. It's something very big for me.

Made me realised, 'the first of how many?'

Face the truth, we all are going to go our separate ways in the end. so, like, maybe this is the beginning of the intersection.

And I better stop myself right now before the fear sinks in to my body

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