Longing

I think this post would seem too cheesy and...what's the word? yeah, cheesy.

you know, it's not that i want a boyfriend, i absolutely don't mind being single. but, i miss liking a person. talking to my best friend about how cool he looks today and basically every single day. i miss trying to catch a glimpse for that someone, i miss trying to act all cool and composed when i'm around that someone.
i just miss all of that things that make you feel stupid.
but then again
there really seems to be no one in this freaking huge campus that made me have that feeling again.
like, even handsome guys doesn't seem to interest me (well, that's probably because they already have a girlfriend)
and guys in my class (well, maybe not all of them) doesn't seem to have anything... that i find attractive.
let's not talk about appearances because seriously, it's not like i'm even that pretty, but i don't seem to find a guy who likes to make jokes. it feels like they're all trying to look so calm and composed it actually makes me feel grossed.
i don't find guys who listen to, i don't know, Two Door, Arctic Monkeys, KEANE. there really seem to be nothing interesting with guys in my class and surroundings -_-
and most importantly, i NEVER found a guy who READS.
is that common?
is that normal somewhere?
because it seems like no guy in Indonesia likes to read. read novels, poetry, classics, any kind of novel at all. and it saddens me.
like, what the hell did you do for fun? seriously.

oh, and glasses! my personal preference. there's no cool guy in a glasses. none. not even close.
or guy who have good hairstyle, it doesn't have to be a salon cut, but you know.... cool.
and there is absolutely no one who has a nice fashion taste (like the one that i...prefer)
*sigh*
oh and, of course, i prefer older guy so......
i think whoever i found in my class wouldn't interest me anyway lol

this is such an unimportant post, but i really want to share about this.
like, what the hell, bro?
i thought guys in Bandung would be cool and well, cool.

but most than that, i really becoming more interested on finding guy who reads.
seriously.
that would be like, a dream come true.
especially if he read Harry Potter, Sherlock Holmes, Agatha Christie's novels. Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Classics novel such as The Great Gatsby, The Catcher in the Rye.
a few days ago i found this text picture on tumblr that say something like 'date a girl who reads because bla bla bla and bla bla bla"
i really could relate to it.
and that is why i become obsessed with actually finding a guy who reads.
my father reads. like, seriously. he's the one who introduced me to Agatha Christie's novels and made me a maniac. he reads novels like the samurai or cowboy country-ish novels. and he is freaking cool. i mean it. my father is smart and hilarious at almost all of the time.
my brother seldom reads, but he used to read too. right now he just reads from e-books. i guess that's cool too. at least he reads. and my brother sense of music, seriously? can anyone know as many bands as he is?
my little brother also reads. although he likes to read weird stuff like '100 greatest inventions' but he also read Diary of a Wimpy Kid (mine, of course) cause he's awesome. my lil bro is even taller than my big bro now, and because he's my little brother, he likes to ask me about fashion kinda stuff. so basically, he looks pretty damn good.

and that is why it makes me even harder to find a guy to like because i am surrounded by these awesome guys in my whole life and i just really have too high standards bro :))))
and look at me, i can't even be attractive even if i tried :))
dude....
this turns out to be a depressing post just like all my late posts were.

Thoughts.

I'm thinking of quitting this unit i'm currently in.
it's nothing, really.
but, just as i thought, i'm not good with people.
it's too troublesome, dealing with people.
i feel like, the more people give attention to me, the more i feel like digging myself a hole and never leave it.
don't we all have that one day, one day that makes us feel so worthless, so small, so... i don't know, dejected?
i just had that one day.
maybe it's just me hyper-reacting but right now i really want to shut myself in.
i want to be left alone and just have a moment with myself.
or maybe this is just me missing my mom
or maybe this is just me feeling down because of my exams.
or maybe
just maybe
this is just me running away.

you know, i think i'm the kind of person who could actually fail before i even try.
i sometime wonder do i even know myself.
because it's like i think i'm an ignorant person. but then there are times when people's words could really stabbed me in the chest.
or like i thought i don't ever want to talk to anyone when i'm pissed, but then i will text my best friend.
or like i think i like a person and the next thing i know, i don't even like him/her.

it's like i have a double personality or something -________-
like i said i like ghost stories but at the same time i'm scared of them.
it's all so annoying so i guess this is the right time for me to just quit.
maybe i should stick to what i do best: doing nothing.
maybe it will be better for all humankind.