10 November 2012

For Those Who Fell Out of Love

[this post is dedicated to M.S and F.D]

i've been wanting to write about this since weeks ago, but i haven't got the time until today. well, actually i don't really have the time, i kinda pushed it to make it happen. i'll be having Try Out tomorrow and haven't touch anything, so...

i hope that you will feel better after reading this post. i ain't that good with words, but i'll try my best to channel out my feelings.

it's good to fell out of love.

better than me, who just suddenly lost the feeling of loving.
better than me, who didn't even try to do anything.
better than anything i've ever done.

truth is, falling out of love is like a "side dish" that you will get from loving.
it's like the pencil shavings you get from sharpening your pencil.
it's like the stain in kids' shirt when they are eating ice cream.

but one thing that differentiate 'falling out of love' and this 'leftovers' is the memories they left you.

i wrote this because my friends just fell out of love.

one of them have been in love with this guy since last year and her love ended because he likes her friend. best friend. but we can't blame anyone. all she could do is to wish them all the best. and it's very painful to me to see the two of my friend together. maybe it's fine for them, i don't know. but for me it has never been the same ever since MS knew about this. never had, never has but i hope will change someday. it's as if like this kind of thing is taboo to said when the two of them were together with us. few days ago, our friend was talking about that guy, and then MS came and the whole conversation just dropped. i don't like that. and i know none of them like it more than i do. nobody likes it. it hurts. i know i've never been in that position, but i know it hurts since it's so painful being together now.

my other friend have this crush for 3 years. what could i say except that she just got friend-zoned. i can't find the right words to say to her. i never love someone for that long (i don't even think i'm capable of doing that), but i really am so proud of her. she's not like me, who just stare that person from afar and not taking any action, no. FD talked, chatted, and joked around  with him. though it just started not very long ago, but at least they know each other. and actually i don't think that it's a bad thing, being friend-zoned. because just like what i recently found out is that everything, everyone is changing. maybe not now. maybe not next year. but who knows? maybe five or ten years later they will meet each other again, and those feelings came back to her, and the boy? well, maybe he will love her more than she did before.

"do i ever fell out of love?" i asked myself about this, and the answer is "no".
i didn't fell out of love. now that i think about it, my feelings just disappear. and this is worst than falling out of love. at least when you fell out of love, you'll have memories. me? all i feel is emptiness. A hollow left deep inside of my heart.

That's why it's better to fell out of love. It will teach you to love yourself more. Because when you're capable of letting go, of accepting things to happen the way they're supposed to happen, i do think you'll appreciate yourself even just for a tiny bit more.

Fall in love as many time as possible.

I am trying too.

We are never in this alone.

03 November 2012

Mostly me

Tonight i'd like to post something that might be quite self-centered (well, it is my blog so....)
I just passed a hectic week of exam.
If you're wondering, the result will be horrible. Perfect disaster.
But still, not the end of the world, so i'm cool with it.

Gw orangnya bukan ga peduli jg sih..
Kalo mikir tentang masa depan, siapa sih yg ga takut?
Masalah nilai sekolah, UN, masuk kuliah, dll, dsb, dkk.
Tapi gw memang orangnya cukup tau aja..
Maksudnya gini,
Klo misalnya bsk ujian nih, dan gw ga belajar krn ga ada mood. Trus bsknya gw ga bs ngerjain, ya gw pertama sekali emang pasti bakal nyalahin diri sendiri knp ga belajar. Tp abis itu? Ya gw santai aja.. Nilainya merah, biru, hijau, ya udah..
Kalo gw belajar, tapi tetep ga bs juga, ya pasrah aja.. Ketawa ajaaa

Mungkin krn sikap gw yg terlalu membawa santai semua ini, kadang gw bs dianggap... Apa ya, kurang serius kali ya. Dan kadang kalo org curhat sama gw, atau lg mencak2 sama org lain, trs cerita ke gw, yg pasti gw bilang itu "ya... jd gmn ya...." Kalo misalnya di chat palingan gw bilang "wkwkwkwk"
Bukan berarti gw ga serius dan sama sekali bukan krn gw ngetawain, tp emang gt cara gw melihat semuanya.. Jangan dibawa ribet.

And i'm also a VERY moody person. Some of you as my friends might already experienced this, and some of you might haven't. 
The truth is, once my mood is ruined, you need to step away.
Like, seriously. Don't even bother to ask me what's wrong, cause everything will be wrong at that time.
I think i've hurt people's feelings because of this... So,
I just want everyone that matters to me, to just leave me be.
Once my mood has cooled down, i'll be sure to go back to the way i used to.
This kind of mood changes will happen a lot. It won't be the last time i was acting like such a jerk.
And i just want you to think about it thoroughly.
If and only if you're sure you could handle being ignored by me for maybe one or two days, then sure, let's be friends.
But if you don't, you should probably stay away from me.

To qoute from tumblr: i'm not anti-social, i'm just pro-me

Aaaaaannndd this is totally random, 
But it's nice to have friends that still accept me after i'm acting like such an assholeeeeeee


I also have this random feeling offf~ wanting to fall in love.,
Maybe it's because i just finished reading this comic, a very good one.. About love.
Buttt then again, if i fall in love, it wouldn't work :))))
Not this time, not next year, not ever.
I'm awkward.
I need months to feel "okay" and another monthss to feel "comfortable"
I'm a coward, i can't start a conversation, i'm not the easiest person to get along with.
I do want to change, i want to be less awkward and all...
But i just think that i've ran out of chances.. Well at least for this year.

I'm just quite uncertain of what to do,
There are times when i feel like everything is beautiful and i want to fall in love and be happy.
But there are also times when i lose faith on love.
It's just that, i ain't seeing people falling in love because of personalities.
I ain't seeing guys that would take time to notice an almost invisible girl like me.
I ain't seeing guys that would take time to get to know a girl, taking it easy, and then shyly confess to the girl he's been liking since forever.
i ain't seein any of this. the reality is: if you're not pretty, then you're nobody.
don't try to say that it's not true, cause that's my reality.
nobody ever convinced me the other way.

of course, me not taking any actions when i'm in love might be one ot the factors too.
but dude, seriously. i'm kind of like an old-fashioned-minded person.
for me, the most important thing is for the person i love to notice my existence.
if he, well, have feelings, he should be the one who starts the conversation.

and that's why my love life is going nowhere.
oh well..

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