[this post is dedicated to M.S and F.D]i've been wanting to write about this since weeks ago, but i haven't got the time until today. well, actually i don't really have the time, i kinda pushed it to make it happen. i'll be having Try Out tomorrow and haven't touch anything, so...
i hope that you will feel better after reading this post. i ain't that good with words, but i'll try my best to channel out my feelings.
it's good to fell out of love.
better than me, who just suddenly lost the feeling of loving.
better than me, who didn't even try to do anything.
better than anything i've ever done.
truth is, falling out of love is like a "side dish" that you will get from loving.
it's like the pencil shavings you get from sharpening your pencil.
it's like the stain in kids' shirt when they are eating ice cream.
but one thing that differentiate 'falling out of love' and this 'leftovers' is the memories they left you.
i wrote this because my friends just fell out of love.
one of them have been in love with this guy since last year and her love ended because he likes her friend. best friend. but we can't blame anyone. all she could do is to wish them all the best. and it's very painful to me to see the two of my friend together. maybe it's fine for them, i don't know. but for me it has never been the same ever since MS knew about this. never had, never has but i hope will change someday. it's as if like this kind of thing is taboo to said when the two of them were together with us. few days ago, our friend was talking about that guy, and then MS came and the whole conversation just dropped. i don't like that. and i know none of them like it more than i do. nobody likes it. it hurts. i know i've never been in that position, but i know it hurts since it's so painful being together now.
my other friend have this crush for 3 years. what could i say except that she just got friend-zoned. i can't find the right words to say to her. i never love someone for that long (i don't even think i'm capable of doing that), but i really am so proud of her. she's not like me, who just stare that person from afar and not taking any action, no. FD talked, chatted, and joked around with him. though it just started not very long ago, but at least they know each other. and actually i don't think that it's a bad thing, being friend-zoned. because just like what i recently found out is that everything, everyone is changing. maybe not now. maybe not next year. but who knows? maybe five or ten years later they will meet each other again, and those feelings came back to her, and the boy? well, maybe he will love her more than she did before.
"do i ever fell out of love?" i asked myself about this, and the answer is "no".
i didn't fell out of love. now that i think about it, my feelings just disappear. and this is worst than falling out of love. at least when you fell out of love, you'll have memories. me? all i feel is emptiness. A hollow left deep inside of my heart.
That's why it's better to fell out of love. It will teach you to love yourself more. Because when you're capable of letting go, of accepting things to happen the way they're supposed to happen, i do think you'll appreciate yourself even just for a tiny bit more.
Fall in love as many time as possible.
I am trying too.
We are never in this alone.