10 May 2015

Countdown of sort

It's 21.42 right now where I'm writing this post. It's 10th of May.

If anyone reading this know when is my birthday, yes, it is about the end of my teenage years.

It's tomorrow.

And I don't know, back when I was like 17, I read this post my cousin wrote about the unimportant worry of being 'old' and I thought, 'hell yea, it's not something to be afraid of.'

But

It is different when you're the one experiencing it.

I thought I'm ready.

I thought I can face this upcoming birthday head on, you know...

but I don't.

I'm scared.

I don't know if I'm going to make the right decisions in my life or if I would still be as immature and dependent as I am right now.

I don't know how I am going to cope with adulthood with my very, very, laid back personality -- my nonchalant ways of living.

I am genuinely horrified of what's going to happen.

You would think that because of my nonchalant persona i would not worry about this--this shifting in my self. but I do, I really do.

I have never embraced changes my whole life. no. well, most of the times.

and this it the first time I won't be celebrating it with my family. It's something very big for me.

Made me realised, 'the first of how many?'

Face the truth, we all are going to go our separate ways in the end. so, like, maybe this is the beginning of the intersection.

And I better stop myself right now before the fear sinks in to my body

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