05 June 2012

I don't know

Time flies so fast. time didn't stop for anyone. that, i know.

gw udah mau kelas 3 sma.

you know, a couple days ago i had a dream.
the dream was really..... beautiful. really.
i don't dream that often. it's very rare for me to dream, but i did, just few days back.
what was the dream about?
well, here's the truth about dream: when you woke up, the only thing left is the feeling from the dream.
slowly (sometimes quickly) your memory about the dream fades.
and when you try to remember it, it'll fade even faster.
but i do remember the dream about this.... boy.
i don't know who he is
i never saw him before
but in that dream, his face was... familiar.
i know, it's a dream.
and anyway, the rest of the dream was blurry, but one thing for sure: me and him... kinda, sorta, i guess, like each other.
okay.
 so.... the feeling he gave to me was really beautiful. he was... patient. i remember the dream was going for years. i mean, we "knew" each other but i don't think at that time i like him, yet. so couple years later, when we were more like an adult, he's still there. he's still beside me. and just like that, you know, i feel warm.

the thing is, ever since i entered high school, this  bullshit they call happy ending and "the one" and prince charming and kind guy, i didn't buy it anymore.
and i just lost confidence in dreams, in stories, in myself.
 but somehow, after that dream, it's like God is trying to say to me to be patient.
i know, it's just a dream.
but because of that dream, i'm letting go. i'm letting go the people that (i'm not even so sure right now) I like. i need to stop hurting myself from liking a person.
you know?
it feels really hard at first, but then, it's empty. in my chest. like a big, heavy burden has been lifted up.
i feel good.
and you know what?
screw this thing. i mean, if there comes the day for me to fall in love again, then so be it. i don't need to push it. giving myself misery. being the one who makes myself miserable. it's pathetic.

and i feel like i've learned a lot this year.
i'm better at letting go.
so does the past.
i miss my past. i miss my whole junior high school life.
but then, i remind myself, "hey, it's not like you can't see them again?"
and it's like being awakened from a long sleep.
i know, there's a brighter tomorrow.
if you miss them so bad? chat, text, mention, write, call.
do something.
the thing about change is,
we can change it back.

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