superstitious or just plain stupid

[quickie post]

i had a dream, last night.
it was about this boy in my cram school
since i'm in the middle of exam week, i've skipped a class.
and today i'm supposed to skip another class too.
but then, the dream happened.
it's a really short dream (well, actually it's quite long but the rest of the dream was total rubbish)
and so in that dream i met my old friend in junior high.
and we're sort of in my friend's car, with a few more people too.
and the weirdest thing happened
my friend told me, "he really wants to see you."
the 'he' stated there was the name of the boy in my cram school.

 i must've thinkng about it too much.
you know, i guess i'm the one who really wants to see him, and so my unconscious self must have made that story up.
but you know, i mean, after this i won't be able to see him again. in the next semester he would change his days. and so i really think today is going to be the last day i'll see him.
but then again, it's plain stupid right? believing in this thing we call heart.
and anyway none of my friends is going to the cram school -_-
so...
i don't know, should i go? aarggggghhh

For Those Who Fell Out of Love

[this post is dedicated to M.S and F.D]

i've been wanting to write about this since weeks ago, but i haven't got the time until today. well, actually i don't really have the time, i kinda pushed it to make it happen. i'll be having Try Out tomorrow and haven't touch anything, so...

i hope that you will feel better after reading this post. i ain't that good with words, but i'll try my best to channel out my feelings.

it's good to fell out of love.

better than me, who just suddenly lost the feeling of loving.
better than me, who didn't even try to do anything.
better than anything i've ever done.

truth is, falling out of love is like a "side dish" that you will get from loving.
it's like the pencil shavings you get from sharpening your pencil.
it's like the stain in kids' shirt when they are eating ice cream.

but one thing that differentiate 'falling out of love' and this 'leftovers' is the memories they left you.

i wrote this because my friends just fell out of love.

one of them have been in love with this guy since last year and her love ended because he likes her friend. best friend. but we can't blame anyone. all she could do is to wish them all the best. and it's very painful to me to see the two of my friend together. maybe it's fine for them, i don't know. but for me it has never been the same ever since MS knew about this. never had, never has but i hope will change someday. it's as if like this kind of thing is taboo to said when the two of them were together with us. few days ago, our friend was talking about that guy, and then MS came and the whole conversation just dropped. i don't like that. and i know none of them like it more than i do. nobody likes it. it hurts. i know i've never been in that position, but i know it hurts since it's so painful being together now.

my other friend have this crush for 3 years. what could i say except that she just got friend-zoned. i can't find the right words to say to her. i never love someone for that long (i don't even think i'm capable of doing that), but i really am so proud of her. she's not like me, who just stare that person from afar and not taking any action, no. FD talked, chatted, and joked around  with him. though it just started not very long ago, but at least they know each other. and actually i don't think that it's a bad thing, being friend-zoned. because just like what i recently found out is that everything, everyone is changing. maybe not now. maybe not next year. but who knows? maybe five or ten years later they will meet each other again, and those feelings came back to her, and the boy? well, maybe he will love her more than she did before.

"do i ever fell out of love?" i asked myself about this, and the answer is "no".
i didn't fell out of love. now that i think about it, my feelings just disappear. and this is worst than falling out of love. at least when you fell out of love, you'll have memories. me? all i feel is emptiness. A hollow left deep inside of my heart.

That's why it's better to fell out of love. It will teach you to love yourself more. Because when you're capable of letting go, of accepting things to happen the way they're supposed to happen, i do think you'll appreciate yourself even just for a tiny bit more.

Fall in love as many time as possible.

I am trying too.

We are never in this alone.

Mostly me

Tonight i'd like to post something that might be quite self-centered (well, it is my blog so....)

I just passed a hectic week of exam.

If you're wondering, the result will be horrible. Perfect disaster.

But still, not the end of the world, so i'm cool with it.

Gw orangnya bukan ga peduli jg sih..

Kalo mikir tentang masa depan, siapa sih yg ga takut?

Masalah nilai sekolah, UN, masuk kuliah, dll, dsb, dkk.

Tapi gw memang orangnya cukup tau aja..

Maksudnya gini,

Klo misalnya bsk ujian nih, dan gw ga belajar krn ga ada mood. Trus bsknya gw ga bs ngerjain, ya gw pertama sekali emang pasti bakal nyalahin diri sendiri knp ga belajar. Tp abis itu? Ya gw santai aja.. Nilainya merah, biru, hijau, ya udah..

Kalo gw belajar, tapi tetep ga bs juga, ya pasrah aja.. Ketawa ajaaa

Mungkin krn sikap gw yg terlalu membawa santai semua ini, kadang gw bs dianggap... Apa ya, kurang serius kali ya. Dan kadang kalo org curhat sama gw, atau lg mencak2 sama org lain, trs cerita ke gw, yg pasti gw bilang itu "ya... jd gmn ya...." Kalo misalnya di chat palingan gw bilang "wkwkwkwk"

Bukan berarti gw ga serius dan sama sekali bukan krn gw ngetawain, tp emang gt cara gw melihat semuanya.. Jangan dibawa ribet.

And i'm also a VERY moody person. Some of you as my friends might already experienced this, and some of you might haven't. 

The truth is, once my mood is ruined, you need to step away.

Like, seriously. Don't even bother to ask me what's wrong, cause everything will be wrong at that time.

I think i've hurt people's feelings because of this... So,

I just want everyone that matters to me, to just leave me be.

Once my mood has cooled down, i'll be sure to go back to the way i used to.

This kind of mood changes will happen a lot. It won't be the last time i was acting like such a jerk.

And i just want you to think about it thoroughly.

If and only if you're sure you could handle being ignored by me for maybe one or two days, then sure, let's be friends.

But if you don't, you should probably stay away from me.

To qoute from tumblr: i'm not anti-social, i'm just pro-me

Aaaaaannndd this is totally random, 

But it's nice to have friends that still accept me after i'm acting like such an assholeeeeeee

I also have this random feeling offf~ wanting to fall in love.,

Maybe it's because i just finished reading this comic, a very good one.. About love.

Buttt then again, if i fall in love, it wouldn't work :))))

Not this time, not next year, not ever.

I'm awkward.

I need months to feel "okay" and another monthss to feel "comfortable"

I'm a coward, i can't start a conversation, i'm not the easiest person to get along with.

I do want to change, i want to be less awkward and all...

But i just think that i've ran out of chances.. Well at least for this year.

I'm just quite uncertain of what to do,

There are times when i feel like everything is beautiful and i want to fall in love and be happy.

But there are also times when i lose faith on love.

It's just that, i ain't seeing people falling in love because of personalities.

I ain't seeing guys that would take time to notice an almost invisible girl like me.

I ain't seeing guys that would take time to get to know a girl, taking it easy, and then shyly confess to the girl he's been liking since forever.
i ain't seein any of this. the reality is: if you're not pretty, then you're nobody.
don't try to say that it's not true, cause that's my reality.
nobody ever convinced me the other way.

of course, me not taking any actions when i'm in love might be one ot the factors too.
but dude, seriously. i'm kind of like an old-fashioned-minded person.
for me, the most important thing is for the person i love to notice my existence.
if he, well, have feelings, he should be the one who starts the conversation.

and that's why my love life is going nowhere.
oh well..

STOP, please.

tadi.
di kantin.
gw gatau dr kapan dia disana.
gw gatau knp tiba2 pas bgt gw ngeliet dia.
yg jelas gw tau, gw daritadi ngaib.

oke, jadi td gw, ila, dan monik mau nyobain indomie di kantin blok a (iya, gw tau itu cuman indomie. rasanya ga mngkn beda.. tp begitulah)
jd stand jualan itu emang selaluuuu rame.
tp krn kami kepengen nyoba, akhirnya kami bela2in ngantre.
dr awal km berdiri situ kerjaannya udah menggila aja.
apalagi ila sama monik lg stress jd gw jg ikutan gila ngomong sama mereka.
nah.
saat antrean mengurang drastis, otomatis kami bergeser semakin mendekati ya.. abang yg masak nya itu lah.
tiba2 aja kepala gw ngeliat ke kiri.
dan disitu ronaldo. lg berdiri ngantre jg.
gw shock. pastinya.
kyk yg udah gw bilang di atas tadi, gw gatau dari kapan dia udah disana atau mungkin dia malah baru aja nyampe sono.
setelah gw ingat2 kembali, kayaknya sih dia udah beli makanan. seinget gw dia ada bawa makanan di tangannya. mungkin kwnnya yg lg berdiri di sampingnya.
berusaha kalem, gw ngeliet ke monik dan ngasitau disitu ada ronaldo.
monik pun terdiam juga.
abis itu dr belakang monik, kawannya ronaldo kayak manggil mereka gt deh mngkn suruh cepetan atau gmn.
abis itu mereka pergi.
yg pengennnn gw kasih tau disini itu sebenernya soal jantung gw waktu gw ngeliet dia.
selama ini gw udah merasa ga ada feel apa2 lagi karena gw SELALU ga mau ngeliet dia.
tp emang kalo gw ngeliet bahkan cuman tangannya atau tas nya jantung gw agak2... gmn gitu.
hari ini, tadi, setelah sekian lama gw ga ngeliet muka dia, gw keliet.
asli jantung gw...........
terlalu.

emang bukan salah dia (ya bukan lah) untuk muncul di sekitar gw di saat gw paling gak siap. lagian, dia mana peduli, i mean, i'm just an extras in his life, a background.
tapi gw udah berusaha sekuat mungkin untuk GAK melihat dia.
tapi gini.
selalu.
sinyal gw masih on. kayaknya tombol off nya rusak
gw masih sering menangkap bayangannya.

why, oh why?
he loves another girl.
it's that simple.
udah kurang jelas apa lagi.
gw harus move on.
itu sebuah kewajiban.
gw harus mematikan sinyal sialan itu.

sayonara.

scrambled thoughts

i'll admit this: it's really hard to move on.
i always caught a glimpse of him.
his back, his hand, his bag.
this "moving on" thing is getting harder because i still see him every day.

and even when i stood amongst the crowd, i caught the shadow of you.

but sometimes (for me most of the times) we need to try not to care, because sometimes, you mean nothing to someone who means everything to you.
and the truth is, right now i'm not even so sure about my own feelings.
i know one thing though, he likes that girl.
and i can't help it if she's better than me. she's pretty, she's smart. who wouldn't adore her?

i have a tendency to fall for the impossible love.
well, actually it's impossible because i never try to do anything to actually change it.
it's not because i'm scared (okay, maybe a little bit) but it's because HE LIKES ANOTHER GIRL.
why is it so hard to convince myself that he didn't even notice my existence?
i know "avoiding" is not the best way to get over someone, but if i saw him i keep on getting my hopes up. i keep on getting my hopes up for nothing.
it's not fair how i can be right here thinking about him, while he's over there thinking about her.
but these days, he didn't hang out in front of his classmate's class like he usually does.
so i guess it's a good thing. i didn't get to see him that often.
but then again, i occasionally caught myself staring out of the class' window, searching for him.

GAAAAAH!! why is it so hard to delete one's existence in your life?
i know that without this loving stuff, my high school life is going to be empty and miserable at best, but then again, one-sided love can't be considered as love at all.

love should make you feel like a better person, should make you happy, and even when love hurts, the pain isn't the same as one-sided love.
three things you'll probably get from one-sided love is pain, pain, pain.
at first you'll say that just by looking at him is enough. but sooner or later, you want more.
you want to know more about him.
you want him to notice your existence.
you want him to notice when you're not there.
just like you notice every single detail of him.
but he's not going to notice you.
never.

and i've been holding this feelings for far too long than i expected myself to.
because i'm actually the kind of girl who get too attached.
it hurts. at first there was butterfly, but now it's just pain.
all i want is.............

serenity.

(or maybe you... yeah, maybe just you...)




gw pengen gitu ada yg menganggap gw worth fighting.
someone who will say this to me:

"I'll be true, I'll be useful...
I'll be cavalier...i'll be yours my dear.
And I'll belong to you...
If you just let me through."  

tapi kalo gw lebih ke kebalikannya sih.
gw yg berkata seperti itu.
gw yg menunggu.
and maybe, i don't know, maybe one day you'll love me. but i don't think i can wait that long, honey.

Baby i love you, sayonara da ne.

Sebenernya kenapa sih kita susah move on?

Bukan karena kita masih suka, mungkin bukan karena itu. Saat kita berpikir untuk move on itu sebenernya berarti kita udah gak suka sama orang itu, atau paling gak udah gak kayak dulu lagi rasa suka nya.
Yang bikin kt galau dan susah move on itu sebenernya rasa takut.
Takut kalo kita ga bakal pernah ketemu orang seperti yang satu ini.
Dan yang makin bikin susah move on itu ya kalo ngeliet muka tu orang tiap hari.
Gw merasa sih gw udah bs dibilang sukses move on.
Soalnya gw udah gak menyadari keberadaan orang itu lagi.
Tapi yang anehnya, selama gw naksir tu orang ga pernah sekali pun gw mimpiin tu orang. Tapi bbrp hari sblm gw masuk sekolah, gw mimpiin dia.
Ya namanya mimpi gw jg krg inget gmn persisnya mimpi itu, tapi yang gw inget dgn pasti itu, di mimpi itu gw bener2 udah ga sadar akan keberadaan orang itu.
Dan waktu masuk sekolah gw sih sebenernya bersyukur banget tu orang udah jarang ada di sekitar gw. I wanna say thank you. Thank you for letting me move on from you.
Kan enak begini, dia nya ga merasa terganggu sama gw, dan gw bisa menemukan orang lain.

Nah,
Mungkin (sebenerya sih bisa dibilang pasti) kita gak bakal nemu orang yg sama seperti yg sekarang kita suka. Tapi pasti, PASTI, orang yg kt temukan nanti akan membuat segalanya menjadi lebih baik. Mungkin future-somebody ini ga lebih ganteng, ga lebih tinggi, ga lebih putih, ga lebih pinter, dll dsb. Dan mungkin kalian akan mengalami berkali2 patah hati lagi sebelum menemukan orang ini, tapi percayalah kalian akan menemukan orang yg merasa bahagia dgn hanya mengetahui kalau kalian ada di dunia ini dan begitu juga sebaliknya.
Cara terbaik menurut gw untuk move on itu ya, cari kesenangan lain. Baca novel, baca komik, nonton movie, jalan2, terserah aja deh, yg penting jangan biarkan diri kalian terdiam.
Karena saat kalian mencoba move on dari seseorang, yang kalian rasakan itu adalah hampa. Rasa kekosongan. Saat kalian punya kecengan, pasti kalian akan mencari sosok orang yg kalian suka itu. Lalu waktu kalian ingin move on, hal itu udah jadi kebiasaan. Dan gw yakin semua orang tau ga gampang melepaskan suatu kebiasaan. Saat kalian mencoba move on, hal itu lah yang akan selalu mencoba menarik kalian kembali menyukai orang itu.

Selalu susah kan? Melepaskan sesuatu yg memberi kalian banyak kenangan? Tapi bro, kalo kenangan yg lo dapet cuman kenangan pahit, ngapain diingat2?
Sama seperti membuang barang2 / mainan2 lama kita. Emang susah kalo kt inget2 kenangan yg kita punya sama mainan itu, tapi apa gunanya?
Gw tanya sama lo, apa gunanya?

Darling, it's time to move on.

Meracau

gw orang yg bakal menyerah kalo gw tau gw ga ada kesempatan untuk "menang"
kalo main game, kalo gw tau dengan level yg gw punya gw ga bakal bs ngalahin bos nya, gw ga bakal ngelawan bosnya.
bukan krn malu kalo kalah, bukan karena takut, tp krn menurut gw itu sia2.
sama kayak suka sama lo.
sia2.
ga bakal terjadi.
makanya gw mundur.
gw mundur dengan sukarela.
ini adalah kali terakhir gw nge post tentang lo, karena emang susah jg nahan emosi di hati.
tp percayalah, gw udah stop stalking twitter lo
dan gw udah bodo amat kalo papasan ama lo.
bahkan tadi pas lo jalan di belakang gw ya.
dengan begini gw harap suatu hari tiba saat gw bisa mengatakan "I'm so over you."
you'll live your life, i'll live mine.
nothing's gonna happen from this one-sided love anyway.
i'll stop bothering you with my existence.
untuk sekarang,
no crushing for me.
i won't do that, i won't let that happen.
the only thing i receive from loving people is pain.
therefore, it's no use.
because loving people should make you feel blessed, should make you feel happy.
why hurt yourself when you can be happy being alone?
that's the only thing that have been bothering my mind.
gw pengen berhenti menggalaukan diri sendiri.
dan jujur aja, dulu waktu masa2 smp, masih ada pikiran masa depan itu tentang menikah dan berkeluarga dan semacam itu.
tapi sekarang, jujur gw gatau kenapa hal itu terlalu dipermasalahkan.
maksudnya, gw jg bs married sama pekerjaan gw kok.
dan skrg bayangan gw ttg masa dpn itu ya sukses dlm pekerjaan, punya rumah sendiri yg gw desain sendiri, bisa biayai orang tua jalan - jalan kemana - mana. ga ada lagi bayangan tentang "pasangan hidup"
dan sekali lagi, gw gatau knp itu terlalu dipermasalahkan.
kayaknya kalo gw bilang bahwa gw ga bakal nikah pas gede itu reaksi yg gw dapet kayak kalo gw bilang gw baru aja ngebunuh orang.
yang kita perlukan untuk hidup kan ya Tuhan, ortu, keluarga, teman.
that's that.
gw bakal happy kok hidup sendiri.
bebas.
kebebasan adalah hal yang sangat sulit untuk didapatkan.
ekhem,
jadi kembali ke topik utamanya,
i'm moving on.
and i'll be happy.

Meet The Anak KOS

i'm sure all of my friends remember about this.
dan buat yg gaktau, ga masalah, disini gw emang mau mempublikasikan ke dunia kok.

"Meet The Anak KOS" adalah "film" yang gw dan temen2 gw bikin sama2 wkt kami dpt tugas drama Bahasa Indonesia di kelas 2 SMP.
ide nya datang drmn?
well, sebenernya kami udah sering bermimpi2 tentang bagaimana rasanya kalo kami tinggal serumah. bayangin kalo kami nge-KOS bareng2 di suatu...katakanlah.. apartemen.
jadi dengan begitu saja, semua ide ditumpahkan.
jadi, mari, gw jelaskan.

pertama, meet the casts.
tokoh2 utama nya tuh ini:

Ajeng Fitriani

Belin Delannoy

Farah Savira

Vinca Rosea Romeiza

so basically the storyline is the four of them are best friends ever since forever. dan mereka ngekos sama2 berempat. nah suatu hari mrk tuh kyk pengen lebih rame aja suasana nya, jd mereka membuka ya.... tempat untuk org lain lagi. nah di saat mrk mulai dekat dengan teman2 baru mereka yg, jujur aja, sangat freak, mereka sendiri mulai pecah. pastinya yg buat hancur itu cowok. gw lupa antara Farah suka cowoknya Ajeng atau mereka naksir orang yg sama. intinya, you got the point.

sebenernya sekarang dipikir2, kayaknya emang itu satu2nya yg bikin pertemanan sering hancur. cowok. gw terangkan saja duluan, ini film nya sinetron abis.

kemudian, mari gw perkenalkan casts yg lainnya.

Rameiza Amira

Adelika Rahma Darwin

Irene Debora Meilisa S

Retnali Sutardjo Putri

Shara Ameliani

Urifatul Maghfiroh

 gw lupa pasang2annya begimana, tp gw inget banget gw tuh ceritanya sama Retna.
dan cast gw sebenernya paling.........freak. gw tuh ceritanya campuran orang Jepang gitu (putih aja kagak). itu sebenernya karena di tahun itu gw emang lg maniak Jpop.. jd begitulah!

"apartemen" kami itu sebenernya adalah apartemen Farah. tmpt dia itu yg paling pewe soalnya emang biasanya bokap dia ga di rmh, dan nyokap nya di Jkt. adek2nya jg ya.. bs diurus lah (what?)

pertama kali kami ber-6 dateng ke kehidupan mereka ber-4 itu sebenernya mrk sangat shock.. kepribadian kami terlalu... unik..
wkwkwk..
jd pas konflik itu terjadi, farah dan ajeng ngilang. jd kami2 yg ud jadi bespren itu mencari mereka

dan saat kami menemukan mereka, kami shock gt :)))) kenapa? wkwkwk... bbrp foto itu pas behind the scene nya... kami ga nahan soalnya........... Farah dan Ajeng lagi berantem gethoo deh

ini dia:

 Vinca come to the rescue.. dan akhirnya nanti Ajeng nampar Farah. which is........ the takes was just..
Ajeng can't seem to "sink in" to the role.. jadi dia ga sanggup nampar Farah beneran.. tapi..... acting Ajeng itu epic.. she actually said "plak" when she slapped Farah TROLOLOLOLOL

 jadi ya abis itu mereka mnt pendapat gt... (di foto ketiga itu kaki gw btw, just sayin..) dan akhirnya happy ending, mereka baikan..

the rest of the pictures i have

dan ending nya

Nah, pertama2.. teman - teman, percayalah saya sudah memilih foto terbaik kalian yg bs gw dapatkan dari Facebook.. sebenernya harusnya dari foto2 lama.. tp saat dulu kala, kita belum lah menjadi maniak kamera seperti sekarang, sedangkan foto nya haruslah foto kalian sendiri. PERCAYALAH!!!!!!! lagian gw udah menebus dengan foto2 gw yang.............. ngaib.

Kemudian, peran gw dan temen2 gw yg lain selain the main actresses is actually really... insignificant.
gw sendiri sejujurnya lebih ke orang di balik layar #eaak
gw yg bikin intro nya yg jujur aja emang keren #eaaaaaak
dan gw jg bikin ending nya yg kalo di tonton pasti bikin terharu #eaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak
gw jg merangkap sebagai kameramen
(you may puke right now)
yang sebenernya sangat maksa..
soalnya di ending kan, kami ceritanya kayak terharu gt dan semua harus nangis.
sangat susah awalnya kami mau nangis, tp trs kami mikirin kalo kami pisah ntar, dan akhirnya semua nangis.
kami duduk melingkar gt, dan gw.... karena kameramen... menyorot diri gw sendiri, kayak self cam gt.
sebenernya tentu saja bs nyuruh org lain. tp kan ga lucu aja, lagi nangis gt stop dulu, abis itu lanjut lagi. ga lucu.banget.

yg ketiga, tolong dong yang masih punya soft copy nya ;___; i really want to re-watch it.

banyak banget aib yg gw lakukan disitu...
terutama di intro...
di depan anak2 sma...
oh fu--

Forever.

okeh.
jadi banyak sekali yang terjadi, banyak yang perlu diserap, banyak yang perlu diceritakan.

liburan gw bener2 penuh dengan movies dan books. niatnya sih pengen ngabisin novel2 ini semua, tp ga selese2. film2 jg cuman sebatas napsu awal download banyak2, tp terus mood mau nonton nya ini susah.
nah, kemudian hari yang paling ditunggu2 tiba. 21 juni 2012.
gw nyampe tuh jam 8 pagi di LCCT. jam 9an nyampe KL Sentral. check in dan mandi siap2 dll ampe jam 11an kali yak, abis itu gw langsung naik ktm ke stasiun Putra. gw udah turun ke jalur Seremban padahal harusnya gw tuh ke Rawang. arahnya berlawanan. Seremban itu biasanya kalo pengen balik ke rumah (aka Kajang). jadi gw buru2 naik lagi dan turun ke platform yg lain.
kira2 15 menit kemudian gw nyampe stasiun Putra.
dari situ aja gw udah ngeliet SIK aneh banget... tp trs gw ttp kalem dan jalan pelan2.. awalnya gw heran, kok pagar nya disini? ternyata sekarang pagarnya emang udah ada 2.
begitu gw masuk. dari depan kantor nama gw udah di teriakin #berasaartis. kayaknya retna yg teriak. soalnya retna yg pertama meluk gw.
yeah, retna lari meluk gw :*
kemudian pinka abis itu ira kalo ga salah. abis itu gw jatoh. abis itu adel nadia shara dtg.
kacau gile. kangen gila. gw ga bisa napas. tp gw seneng. banget pangkat tak terhingga. gw suka dipeluk anak2 :) gw sayang lo semua!!
abis itu ya krn temen2 gw emang sibuk kerjaan OSIS, gw ga lama2 di sekolah. balik ke hotel, siapin energi utk bsk.

terlalu banyak ya sebenernya yg pengen diceritain.. tapi gw langsung ke kesimpulannya aja deh #apaandeh

sejujurnya gw selama ga pernah ketemu mrk lagi nih ya, gw merasa mereka udah berubah lah apalah. dan udah punya kehidupan sendiri, udah lupa sama gw, dan sampah2 lainnya.
tapi seriusan ya, itu karena gw sendiri yg ga pernah berusah berbicara sama mereka.
setelah dipikir-pikir, mungkin gw juga terlalu sibuk sama hidup gw disini.
dan kalo soal berubah, kita semua emang berubah.
berubah lebih dewasa, berubah lebih gila, berubah lebih kalem, berubah lebih USIL (nyindir seseorang wkwk), berubah lebih sarkastik, dan sebagainya.
sekarang setelah bertemu dengan mereka, apa salahnya dengan berubah?
malah gw rasa perubahan itu perlu.
dan fakta bahwa kami masih bisa menerima satu sama lain dengan perubahan2 baru itu kan menandakan bahwa kami BENER2 teman.

gw ngerasa bego sendiri kalo nganggep mereka sombong gt. maaf ya teman2..

dan yang paling penting ya, disana tuh kenangan kelas 3 smp itu datang kembali setiap detik.
6 hari gw disana itu kyk mimpi. tp ada barang2 yg gw beli dr malay di kamar gw jd gw tau itu bukan mimpi. itu nyata.
gw bisa ketemu mereka lagi. walaupun ga komplit, tp gw yakin suatu hari. kami satu kelas, kalo bisa satu angkatan, bakal ketemu lagi. kalau Tuhan mengizinkan.
gw janji gabakal punya pikiran begitu lagi.
soalnya gw yakin, seberapa jarangnya kt bicara satu sama lain, kalo kt ketemu, percakapan itu bakal mengucur aja keluar. soalnya kt punya kenangan. kenangan paling berkesannya tentu saja di kelas 3 smp. tp sblm itu kt jg udah kenal kan?

Sekolah Indonesia Kuala Lumpur, tempat gw mengenal arti teman. tempat gw mengenal arti persahabatan, tempat gw mengenal menerima kelemahan orang lain, tempat gw berusaha menjadi teman yang baik, tempat gw mendapat banyak canda tawa begitu juga dengan tangisan, tempat gw mendapatkan kenangan terbaik sepanjang hidup gw.

kalo orang bilang kenangan SMA mereka tidak terlupakan, gw bilang kenangan SMP gw kekal selamanya.

Strangers

from strangers -> friends -> best friends. and backwards the cycle repeats.

what is strangers? well, the definitions you'll probably get from dictionary are these: an outsider, and one who is neither a friend nor an acquaintance.

but for me, it's not that simple.

strangers could be:
- people who used to know each other so well, but then for some reason they got apart, move on with their lives, and didn't even remember the other person. and when at some point in their lives they passed each other, their brains won't recognize the other party.

- best friends that stop contacting each other because they don't have anything to talk about and their chats just turned to be awkward and meaningless and then stopped completely.
for this, i have an example.

back when i'm still like, what? first year of jhs, 

i have this best friend whom i really consider as an older sister.

there's even this friend of mine who thought we're REALLY sisters.

the world sure feels like ours.

and when she's going to move, we made this promise sort of contract.

that we will never forget each other

and when we're in the same country we shall meet.

we made the "rules" for our future meetings.

we signed it, and we even ask our moms to signed too.

for a few first years she moved,

we still talk

we still meet

we still care about each other

but then, slowly, she seems distant

i feel like she's so far away.

and just like that

it stopped

- strangers could also mean even though you're still friends, but the other party stop involving you in their life's matters :) you know, one thing about being friends for me, is that no matter how unimportant that thing is, no matter how meaningless it seems to be, you'll tell your friends. always. always. always. 

any unimportant matter in your life, you will definitely most probably always share it with your friends.

- uuh, and strangers could also mean the people in the background. yeah. they don't matter in your life, they didn't exist in your life. and even when they're gone, you don't even notice.

most of the times, i feel like this.

and mostly most of the times this feeling is for the person i like.

i'm more like the people who admire the person i like from far, far away.

therefore, i will always be invisible.

and mostly most from most of the times, that person know nothing about me and my existence

- and lastly, strangers could be someone we don't know anything about. nothing about their pasts, sometime not even their names, their occupations, nothing. but then, have such a big impact in our lives. this kind of strangers were destined to meet you by God. the little things strangers gave to you, could made your day. could safe your life. could torn you apart. could change your life.

and i shall close this post by quoting a lyric from Keane's Disconnected.

I feel like I just don't know you anymore
I've been wrong and I've been there too many times
We walk in circles
The blind leading the blind
We've been disconnected somehow

There's an invisible wall between us now
I've been wrong and I've been there too many times
We walk in circles
The blind leading the blind

I don't know

Time flies so fast. time didn't stop for anyone. that, i know.

gw udah mau kelas 3 sma.

you know, a couple days ago i had a dream.
the dream was really..... beautiful. really.
i don't dream that often. it's very rare for me to dream, but i did, just few days back.
what was the dream about?
well, here's the truth about dream: when you woke up, the only thing left is the feeling from the dream.
slowly (sometimes quickly) your memory about the dream fades.
and when you try to remember it, it'll fade even faster.
but i do remember the dream about this.... boy.
i don't know who he is
i never saw him before
but in that dream, his face was... familiar.
i know, it's a dream.
and anyway, the rest of the dream was blurry, but one thing for sure: me and him... kinda, sorta, i guess, like each other.
okay.
 so.... the feeling he gave to me was really beautiful. he was... patient. i remember the dream was going for years. i mean, we "knew" each other but i don't think at that time i like him, yet. so couple years later, when we were more like an adult, he's still there. he's still beside me. and just like that, you know, i feel warm.

the thing is, ever since i entered high school, this  bullshit they call happy ending and "the one" and prince charming and kind guy, i didn't buy it anymore.
and i just lost confidence in dreams, in stories, in myself.
 but somehow, after that dream, it's like God is trying to say to me to be patient.
i know, it's just a dream.
but because of that dream, i'm letting go. i'm letting go the people that (i'm not even so sure right now) I like. i need to stop hurting myself from liking a person.
you know?
it feels really hard at first, but then, it's empty. in my chest. like a big, heavy burden has been lifted up.
i feel good.
and you know what?
screw this thing. i mean, if there comes the day for me to fall in love again, then so be it. i don't need to push it. giving myself misery. being the one who makes myself miserable. it's pathetic.

and i feel like i've learned a lot this year.
i'm better at letting go.
so does the past.
i miss my past. i miss my whole junior high school life.
but then, i remind myself, "hey, it's not like you can't see them again?"
and it's like being awakened from a long sleep.
i know, there's a brighter tomorrow.
if you miss them so bad? chat, text, mention, write, call.
do something.
the thing about change is,
we can change it back.

Heartache is one word to describe it.

Ronaldo.
makin so sweet aja di twitter..
dan btw gak ada update sama sekali di bbm, yg bener2 membuat gw yakin kalo gw udah di delete.


dia lagi nge fans sama One Direction which is very...... adorable.


pertama gini: dia nge RT tweet kwn nya. itu lirik lagu One Direction. ini tanggal 1 Mei

abis itu tgl 3 Mei

 another prove that he likes One Direction:

Dan ini 2 hari yg lalu, which is probably hari dia paling banyak nge twit selama gw nge-stalk dia

 these: doesn't make sense

 dan kemudian ini: so sweet.

dan ini kemaren:

ini so funny

 dan ini tweet dia hari ini:

 

btw, it's "they're" not "their"

 another prove that he likes One Direction

dan conversation ini made me laugh.

i guess what i'm trying to say at the end of this post is,
just because you like someone, doesn't mean you can't cheer them with the person they like, even though it wasn't you.
and anyway, it's not like he even know me -______-
bbm request gw di accept sama dia aja itu udah miracle banget.
dan mungkin itu kebetulan aja dia mmg lagi megang hape makanya gw langsung di accept
waktu gw nge add mmg gw masang foto gw sendiri. maksudnya ya supaya dia tau.
tapi terus,
emangnya peduli apa dia ngeliet display picture bbm gw?

Updates you most probably didn't care about

i know i've been posting a LOT about Ronaldo, like, really. but you know, you just gotta bear with it.

but right now i like to start with telling you big news about Freddy.
beberapa hari yang laluuu lalu lalu, Ila ngeliet Freddy pas pulang dari pagar samping. biasanya Freddy SELALU pulang lewat pagar belakang, makanya aneh juga.
nah terus, kemaren!
Freddy di pagar samping juga.
gw sama Ila buru2 sembunyi di belakang becak Ila (ga jelas juga kenapa)
dan omaigot sekarang Freddy pulang naik becak. dia udah enggak di jemput2 lagi.
i know, pasti menurut kalian ini semua biasa aja. tp trust me, ini enggak. men, ini Freddy. dan ini di Medan. dan ini bukan sesuatu yang biasa2 aja.
awalnya si Freddy nawar gt kayaknya dan tukang becak nya mungkin bilang mahal kali, dia nawar, tukang becak nya gamau, terus si Freddy udah mau pergi gt, tp dipanggil lagi sama tukang becak nya. akhirnya dia naik becak itu.
begitu Freddy naik, gw sama Ila buru2 masuk ke becak dan nyuruh Om Edi (tukang becak Ila) ngejar becak Freddy :)))))))
ya jadi untuk kira2 5 menit becak kami di belakang becak Freddy.
kami berdua menggila di becak ngomongin soal fakta ini. Om Edi nanya namanya siapa, biar diteriakin. buset, kami langsung panik. tapi terus tukang becak si Freddy ini cepat kali bawa becak nya dan akhirnya kami kehilangan dia -_- dan toh gw cuman numpang becak Ila sampe ke simpang untuk naik angkot, dan that's that.

dan kita kembali ke Ronaldo.
well, dia kan jaranggggggggg banget ngupdate twitter. tapi lebih jarangggggggggggggggggggggg lagi ngupdate apapun di bbm dia. tapi terus, hari kamis kemaren, dia bikin PM gini:

how sweet was that....
nah, terussss pas hari jumat nya, dia ngupdate twitter nya:

 the thing is, Ronaldo actually used to tweet so much. somehow he stop tweeting that much. bulan2 awal april waktu lagi rusuh demo itu jg dia masih sering nge twit. dia ada nge twit begini:

 terus waktu temennya nanya kok gitu? dia bilang soalnya besok dia ga sekolah. how sweet was that?

and there were lots and lots and lots of updates relating to this girl.
nah balik lagi ke waktu sekarang, hari sabtu bener2 dia enggak ada nge twit apapun tentang si cewek itu. tapi, pagi ini:

seriously, cewek yang dia suka better be grateful. i mean, where can you find this kind of guy nowadays?? he's almost perfect. i mean it. i just don't know how some people think he's just so-so. i bet something is wrong with their head and eyes.
whoever this girl is, she's really lucky.
it must've been really nice to be her. to be the girl that Ronaldo likes :)
well, even though i'm not Adele, i really wish nothing but the best for him.


dan btw gw jadi semacam pengoleksi tweet2 Ronaldo. yeah........................

UUR (ujung - ujungnya Ronaldo)

well hari ini gw ada ngeliat Ilay a.k.a Daniel,

ya gak sekilas jg tp ga lama2 amat jg.

jadi gw lagi duduk di.. ya... bangku gt. ya dari kayu. bangku yang kayak di taman2 gitu loh. yang panjang, tapi ga panjang2 amat.

oke, intinya gw lagi duduk di bangku itu sama ciripah. kami duduk disitu soalnya ditutupin pohon gt, jadi ga panas. dan kedua soalnya gw emang nungguin orang 

nah intinya gw lagi berusaha menelepon orang itu kan, soalnya gw udah pengen banget2an pulang. terus mata gw yaaa ngeliet ke mana aja gt kan, terus stop gt.

berhentinya di tas orang.

gw awalnya yaa pandangan kosong gitu aja. terus lama2, terfokuskan, dan gw hampir 100% yakin kalo itu tas Ilay. dia pake tas krem/putih nya itu. kayaknya dia pake tas itu kalo ga banyak bawa buku... sejauh ini dugaan gw sih begitu.

nah pas gw ngeliet ke atas atau ke wajah pemiliknya, ternyata beneran Ilay.

dan yeah,

dia juga ngeliet gw.

.

.

.

.

.

.

gw mengalihkan pandangan,

pas balik lagi ke dia, ternyata dia masih ngeliet

.

.

.

.

.

 kali ini gw ngebalik badan beneran.

masalahnya kan, gw ud berminggu2 kayaknya ga pernah ngeliet dia lagi.

poni nya udah agak panjangan gt.

dan ya, jujur aja, rambut cowok pasti lebih menarik saat tidak hanyak sepanjang  2 cm.

yeah, jadi gw udah lupa betapa menarik nya si Ilay ini. dan pas ngeliet lagi, yeah he still got it.

truss krn orang yg ditunggu2 tidak kunjung datang,  gw memutuskan untuk pulang.

nah,

jalan pulang gw itu adalah jalan di sebelah meja si Ilay ini. gw jalan lah sama ciripah.

dan

pas gw lewat,

yeah,

dia  ngeliet gw.-.

apa maksudnya??!!!! apaaaa??????????!!!!!!

T___________________T

saat gw sudah berusaha mengakhiri.......... ya apapun ini.

-----

yeah, dan pasti, tadi gw ngeliettt dengan cukup cukup cukup dekat Ronaldo.

pas pulang, pastinya

dan ya gw nunggu di deket tangga kan.

itu super deh, ila sama ciripah lama buangetssszzzzz turunnya.

nah terus pertama Freddy lewat, berdua sama temennya itu.

wkwkwkwk pas dia ngelewatin gw,

dia ngelirik(?) semacam gitu lah. wkwkwk

dan ya abis itu Ronaldo turun.

eaaaak, dari tangga 

woo hoo

jalannya harus PAS di depan muka gw.

ngelewatin gw beneran NGELEWATIN gw (apasih -__-)

asdasdasfdhgfsdgneiorgydirufgsifshudf

nah, pas dia jalan di depan muka gw gitu, ntahlah gw yg lebay atau gmn, tp rasanya dia jalannya agak lambat gt. serasa slow motion wkwkwk

dan anehnya dia jalan sendiri tadi. kawan2nya ntah udah duluan atau belakangan gt gatau jg.

nah begitu dia udah yaa lewat lah kan, udah ga keliatan dari pandangan lagi, ciripah sama ila masihhhhhhhhhhhhh aja belom muncul batang hidung nya kan.

jadi gw ya pastinya mengira ronaldo udah pulang. soalnya ga kelihatan. biasanya kelihatan dia berdiri di sebelah kiri koridor gt sama kawan2nya, tapi tadi enggak. 

nah pas akhirnya ila dan ciripah nyampe, ya kami jalan ke arah koridor itu kan,

eh moment nya gila pas banget.

urutannya itu dari kiri ke kanan: ila, ciripah, gw.

nah pas kami udah mau nyampe ke koridor, ronaldo jalan dari sebelah kanan mau ke kiri ke temen2nya i guess

dan kami langsung membelok wkwkwkwk kalo gak bakal papasan itu.

terus kan kami udah jalan jauuuuuuh gt udah di kantin kan. terus kami berhenti. ya ga pentinglah kenapa. intinya kami masih bs melihat ronaldo.

jadi gw PUAS2IN ngeliet dia. si ganteng ahayyyy

rambutnya itu loh. tiap hari gw masih tetap terpana melihatnya.

nah teruss gw harus ke wc banget2an. ga bs ditahan lagi. udah kebelet banget.

dan yeah, pas gw balik keluar, tentu saja ronaldo udah pulang..

yak, tentu saja ada update-an twitter nya.

maigot gw bener2 udah stalker sejati

23 April

24 April

One Word: Epic.

Beberapa hari ini gw sama Monik menggalau kalo jangan2 kami udah di delete dr contact bbm Ronaldo. masalahnya, dia enggak pernah ganti dp, atau pm, pokoknya enggak ada aktivitas sama sekali. sedangkan twitternya masih on.
3 hari yg lalu dia nge tweet gini:

dan ini kemaren: tweet nya sangat so sweet

Kemaren, gw sama monik bener2 enggak ada naik ke atas. ya, kecuali pas pagi, itupun gw balik sendiri dan gw sama sekali enggak ada ngeliat ke dalam kelas dia kan. tapi pas pulang sekolah ya emang mau begimana lagi, pasti ngeliet dia, soalnya kan dia turun lewat tangga tengah, dan gw selalu, SELALU nunggu kawan2 gw disitu.
Nah, hari ini niatnya juga begitu.
pagi2 kan ya kami ke atas, tp udah begitu pas istirahat pertama gw sama monik di bawah aja.
yang membuat hari ini epic BANGET BANGETAN itu dimulai saat istirahat kedua.
jadi, gw naik ke atas kan, sendiri. gw ke wc dulu di lt 1, abis itu naik kan. nah gw kalo naik tangga itu selalu ngeliet kaki gw. (takut jatoh, biasalah.....) nah pas gak tau deh di lantai berapa, gw ngeliet ada 2 org di sblh atas kiri gw gt. kita kan bisa ngeliet sebelah kiri kita jg walaupun nunduk kan. nah yg menarik perhatian gw bukan cowok yg pas di atas kiri gw, tp di sebelah kirinya lagi. soalnya, celananya gantung....
nah, gw langsung berhenti, mendongakkan kepala, dan melihat ke kiri (soalnya wkt itu mereka udah pas di sebelah kiri gw kan)
DAN
bener aja
itu Ronaldo. dia lagi ngejelasin sesuatu kayaknya sama kawannya, soalnya ya dia pake ngangkat2 tangan segala. dan yg membuat jantung gw berhenti mendadak itu ya, wajahnya itu menghadap ke gw. dan gw tau itu bukan jarak yang sangat dekat atau sebagainya, tp gw ngeliet dia itu JELAS BANGET2AN GA BOONG DAH. dan dia jg berhenti. gw jg berhenti. tp tentu saja itu gak lama. gak mungkin bisa gw lama2 ngeliet muka ronaldo. ga sanggup men. gw langsung ngeliet ke depan dan buru2 naik. itu seriusan gw jantungan banget.
nah pas selesai istirahat kan, gw selalu SELALU balik lwt tangga yg ngelewatin kelas ronaldo. jadi tangga itu emang selalu kosong biasanya. gw lenggang kangkung aja turun. terus pas lagi turun dari lantai 2, ada anak cowok naik kan. sendiri, awalnya pas gw liat. yg bikin gw ngeliet soalnya dia teriak "WAW!!" gitu ga jelas deh apa banget kan.
nah, terus jantung gw berhenti lagi. turns out, ronaldo sama kwnnya yg satu lagi ada di belakangnya. dan kali ini, ronaldo pas di sblh kanan gw. shoot.
gw ya ngelewatin dia kan pastinya, dan gw ga berani ngeliet mukanya sama sekali. pas dia udah rada diatas gt, gw ngedenger dia teriak kyk kwnnya itu jg, "WAW!" kayaknya sih dia. gw ga berani ngeliet sama sekali.

oh, dan skrg rambut depannya kayak rada dinaikkin gt. yg membuat dia sangat sangat sangat sangat terlalu amat semakin ganteng.

nah epic nya gak berhenti disitu. tp pas pulang lebih dewa lagi.
gw nunggu di tangga tengah, like always. terus lamaaaaaa gt kan temen2 gw blm turun2 jg. terus disitulah muncul ronaldo, turun dari tangga. dengan cara jalannya yg...... dan rambutnya..... dia lewat di depan gw, dan ila ciripah jg pas2an nyampe kan, monik jg. jadi pas dia lwt di dpn muka gw (gw memalingkan wajah pastinya) gw, ila, dan monik sama2 udah menggenggam tangan sesama.
shock. belum selesai bicarain soal dia, kami mau jalan ke depan kan. biasanya dia bakaln berdiri disitu dl sama temen2nya. eh gila
taunya pas kami jalan, dia balik jalan ke arah kami lagi. dan ila baru aja nyebut namanya (untungnya pelan). monik otomatis stop which is very funny. gw langsung ngedorong dia lah suruh jalan terus. nah begitu ronaldo lewat kami langsung
"kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" gitu. suaranya ga persis 'kya' sih tp gitu lah.
abis itu dia ngeganti personal message nya, berarti gw belum di delete.

 

tulisannya: it's trapped in between true love and being alone

i prefer the term "secret admirer"

Yep itu dia fotonya pas invite-an bbm gw di accept. dan setelah itu.........
gw makin sering nge stalk twitter dia.
Appearantly, he's in love with someone (again). so, anywayyy
pertama kali dia nge-tweet gini:


abis ituuu 2 hari berturut2 dia ngucapin good night untuk si cewek itu
.


dari tweet di bawah good night itu, gw bisa 99% yakin cewek itu anak kelas plus. payahlah selera nya tinggi bgt wkwk..........................

dan yeah, ini yg paling aptudet:

sepertinya dia tidak terlalu suka libur soalnya dia gak bs ngeliet si cewek itu.

gw gak berharap. gw ga akan berani berharap untuk org seperti Ronaldo.
dari awal kan dia jg toh udah bener2 ga suka ngeliet gw, cuman yaa... ttp aja.
it's not like i like him anyway, right?
kinda hurt... but still, it'll be nice if this time his relationship works out. the last time he fell in love with someone, it seems like he's hurting too much.
though it doesn't have anything to do with me,
it never does,
and never will.

okaaayyyyy i'm outta here.

The Most Polite Stalker You'll Ever Get

Is me.
Gw kan gini2 bs disebut stalker jg laah... Gw suka... Kadang.... Ngebuka twitter nya Ronaldo. Jadi ya it's going to sound a little bit (just a little bit) creepy. Sebelumnya hrs gw beritahukan kalo gw lagi bosen aja. Intinya gw lg ngeliet2 tweet dia kannn dan it turns out that he posted his blackberry messenger pin. Tentu saja gw langsung heboh ngasi tau Nickue aka Monik aka Monique.
Tp kan
Agar dia tidak merasa terganggu, gw memikirkan strategi.
Jadi, gw suruh monik nge add dia. Gw enggak. Rencana nya gt doang sih, tp mksd nya supaya tdk terlalu kentara... Hari sabtu atau jumat yg lalu gt deh monik nge add nya. Deg2an gila tuh dia bakal nge app apa enggak. Eh, ternyata dia approve! Buset
Heboh, pastinya. Tapi sayangnya dia lagi enggak make dp foto dia sendiri. Malah logo tim sepakbola. Yaudahlah ya...
Nah
Gw baru hari ini nge add dia. Buseeet saking deg2an nya gw ga berani buka bbm. Tapi berhunung tdk brp lama dr gw add itu Monik nge-bbm, mau gak mau gw harus buka kan.. Dan gw udah di accept dong!!!!!! Sepertinya dia lagi megang hape, makanya cepet. Yaampun seneng bgt seriusan dah. Tp tentu saja gw bakal berusaha sebisa mungkin tdk mengganggu. Which means no more status-spamming / personal message spamming. Yaaa we have twitter anyway.



Hal yg membuat agak..... Ngeselin? Nge-galauin adalah gw g bs seangkot sama Ilay. Walaupun gw sempet ngeliet dy. tp ntahlah, kadang "semangat" untuk nge-stalk ilay itu bs ilang begitu saja. Rada males sejujurnya. Gw jg krg ngerti knp. Rasanya ga............ Gmn gittuuuuuu

I actually talked to 19.

Jadi, kejadian ini terjadi hari Kamis yang lalu sebenarnya. Tp gw terlalu shock dan masih menganggap ini semua mimpi, sampai akhirnya gw sadar itu kenyataan.
Hari Kamis kemarin gw lab Biologi. Jadi ya bawa baju lab dan segala macamnya lah. Nah, sepertinya kelas 19, sekarang ipa 10, sama jadwalnya dengan kami. Dan dia salah bawa gt mungkin. Intinya, dia mau minjem baju lab. Pas istirahat makan siang udah hampir selesai, gw udah di kelas. Duduk2 aja sama tmn sebangku gw. Nah, tb2 pas gw ngeliet ke dpn kelas, si 19. Lagi ngomong sm tmn gw, si Alwyn. Jantung gw langsung rada2 gak karuan gt, soalnya si Alwyn nunjuk2 gw.
Apa gerangan kah yg terjadi?
Si alwyn buka mulutnya ngomong sesuatu tp gw ga kedengeran, akhirnya dia jalan ke meja gw kan. Terus ya gt deh, dia bilang si 19 mau minjem baju lab gw. Boleh ga? Gitu deh. Dia nanya kenal gak gw sama orgnya, which is actually kinda funny. I don't "know" him, but I used to have this huge feelings about him. Haha
Yak jadi gw keluarin lah baju lab gw, ngasih ke alwyn, dan dia ngasih ke 19. Si 19 ngeliet ke gw trs bilang "makasih ya" gt dr dpn kls. Gw senyum aja. I know, right?-_- should've done something else.
Intinya pikiran gw udah kacau dah. Setelah semua usaha gw buat move on, dia datang aja balik ke hidup gw. Begitu aja. Dan itu sebenernya membuat gw bertanya2 "apa gw bener2 berusaha buat move on?" Atau gw sebenernya cuman memendam perasaan itu untuk jangka waktu sementara?"
Waktu plg sklh, gw benerrrrrr2 gak pengen langsung ketemu sama dia. Sebenernya bagusan cepet2 selesai sih, supaya ga perlu ketemu di lain hari. Tp gt lah, gw takut.
Gw udah berusaha mengelak selama mngkn, "memastikan" dia tidak ada di sudut mataku.
Tiba2
Ciripah yg jalan bareng sama gw bilang:
"Mampus ko ren, si 19 jalan kesini."
Langsung aja jantung gw lompat.
Tp trs ya gw sadar. Ga mngkn gw membiarkan dia yaaaah lari ngejar gw kan. Jd akhirnya gw berhenti, ngeliet ke arah dia yg sedang mengangkat baju lab ku.
Jleb.
Abis tu ya aku jalan ke arah dia kan. Udah gt ya dia balikin bajunya sambil bilang "thanks yo!" Gt.. Dan gw bales "sip.. Sip"
Hhhhh
Abis tu gw balik ke ciripah dan jalan ke pagar kan, dan dia di blkg gw. Sama temennya jg. Nice.
Hal2 gini nih yg membuat gw rasa lbh bgs ga usah suka sama siapapun. Titik.

Angkot, I'm in love.

Jadi saudara - saudari sebangsa dan se tanah air, gw seangkot lagi sama Daniel Julihartono Simanungkalit (a.k.a Ilay) hari Senin, tanggal 12 Maret 2012 ini. Kenapa ini harus gw post di blog? Krn ini epic bgt. Ga boong gw.
Jadi, hari ini kan gw ujian Kimia, ga usah ditanya gmn hasilnya. Essay gw ngasal + ga dpt jawabannya. Hmm, nice.
Terus krn kami trip 1 ujiannya, jam 10.30 udah keluar. Anak kelas 1 SMA yg ujian trip 2, abis kami. Nah gw ngajarin Ciripah bahasa inggris, makanya gw blm plg. Bahkan sampe ank kelas 1 udah keluar (kira - kira jam setengah 1). Nah tp tetep gw masih blm plg. Apatah lagi pake acara hujan, untung cuman bentar dan ga begitu deres. Akhirnya gw pulang tuh udah jam setengah 2. Masih rada gerimis sih, tp yaudahlah. Pas gw berdiri, eh astaganaga, seragam gw, dari kantong sblh kiri sampe ke badge namanya kotor coklat2 gt kena sesuatu dr meja-_- soalnya gw duduk nyender ke meja gt, dan ternyata kotor gewla. Abis itu gw numpang becak Ciripah supaya ga usah jalan becek2 krn sepatu gw udah ketawa (bolong/koyak/terbuka). Padahal itu sepatu baru di beli pas masuk kelas 2-_- miris. Gw naik angkot yg ga begitu lama dtg nya, dan gw udah nyelos aja pas ternyata si Ilay ga ada kan. Ya udahlah, pikir gw. Berarti ga seangkot. Nah baru 10 mnt jalan, tu angkot kena macet. Macet total. TOTAL. Ga bergerak sama sekali entah untuk berapa lama. Jd gw keringetan BUANGET. Itu ud kyk abis lari marathon. Gw stress, walopun untung msh bs dengerin lagu kan, gw stress soalnya takut ga sempet buat belajar di rmh. Masalahnya bsk gw ujian bahasa inggris dan ppkn dan bahannya sangat banyak you know. Gw membayangkan lah gmn kalo tiba2 si Ilay naik ntah drmn gt lah kan, jd kami akhirnya seangkot. Tapi terus pas gw menyadari keadaan gw yg sangat.... Sangat mengenaskan, lebih baik itu ga terjadi. Terus, sebagai anak teladan dan rajin menabung, gw mengeluarkan soal2 tahun lalu bahasa inggris gw, berniat untuk membahasnya di angkot. Jd gw udah seriuuuus bgt itu di angkot. Dan perjalanan pun berlanjut.
Kira - kira 15-20 mnt kemudian, angkotnya lagi ngelewatin ni Plaza Milenium (?). Tempat beli barang2 elektronik gt. Terus ada 2 anak cowok SMA naik. Karena 2 org, jd gw ga ada melirik sedikit pun. Seriusan. Gw nunduuuuk aja terus ngerjain soal2. Nah anak yg duduk pas di dpn kanan gw itu, kakinya ngeselin banget. Di lurusin gt, udah gt di naikin ke kursi gw. Emang sih, ga ada org lain kecuali gw, 2 anak sma itu, sama ada 1 anak smp. Gw duduknya dkt pintu._.
Singkat cerita, gw ngerasa diliatin gt, udah gt ni kaki bener2 mulai mengganggu. Jd gw mendongakkan kepala, melihat ke kanan, dan itu dia.

Dia.

Ilay.

Daniel.

Duduk.

JEGERRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jantung gw ud kayak org gila, gw langsung buang muka. Shock, seneng, merasa diri gw sangat freak, dll.
Hal pertama yg gw lakukan, tentu saja, menyimpan kertas soal itu. Gw........ Freak banget. Ga berapa lama kawannya turun, diikuti dengan anak smp itu.
Jadi

Gw

Tinggal

Berdua.


ANJIRRRRRRR DEWA BANGET OMAIGOT. TP GW GA BERANI NGELIET MUKANYA. DAN DIA ADA BAD HABIT DEH SUKA GIGIT2 KUKU. TP UNYU SAYANGNYA. TP KALO BS SIH JANGAN. DAN GW MERASA SANGAAAAAAAAAAAAAT BAHAGIA SEKALIGUS NGAIB. TAS GW UDAH GW PELUK ERAT2 SUPAYA GA KELIATAN ITU KOTOR YG COKLAT2-_- UGH. KAKI GW JG YAAAA UDAH DI LAP DIKIT SIH DR SBLM DIA NAIK, PAKE TISU. TP TTP AJA. KAOS KAKI GW ITU UD KENA BECEK, SEPATU JOROK, UNTUNG GA KELIATAN BOLONG NYA.-_-
Abis ituuu yaaaah, dia turun, gmn lg.
Suaranya.
Aaaaah

Dan perasaan selama gw di angkot itu gadak obat. Dewa.




Btw hari ini anak kelas 1 ujian Fisika, dan Freddy cuman bw alat tulis yg sepertinya hanya pulpen, pensil, penghapus dan ditaro di kantong celana, beserta buku tulis. Njir.