Wow

It's been a whole month since my last post lol..
i'm way too free these kind of days so i'll probably be posting quite regularly again..
i'm sorry for not replying ira's and farah's comment on my last post.. i just noticed it today dan udah basi utk dibalas skrg wkwk.. sori men..

well, first of all~ i'm going to get a year older again pretty soon..
i can't say that i'm proud of myself.. but well, i don't hate myself anyway..
the past month i guess there's quite a lot of things going on..
some loss, and pretty less winning.
but i really could learn to let go now..
i guess i just realized that it's just the way things are..
we need to let them go.. the good memories will always be remembered but since it won't happened again, we shouldn't dwell on the past..
i lost a very dear uncle.. and well.... i lost fishie.
i'm still not ready to talk about the last mentioned above.. it still hurts.. and i might cry (for i don't know how many times already)
so, yeah, maybe sometime not real soon..

and about love life (of course i'm going to talk about this)
soooo... now is the intensive study system in my cram school.. and to put it simply, i'm not in the same class as him anymore...
i really don't know what happened to the administrative office, since my old friends are all in the same class.. only me and ciripah and two other people got kicked out from our old class -___-" (well, actually there are others getting kicked even more away...) but anyway...
so, that's that.
i guess i really never saw this coming so i was quite taken aback.
though his, well, 'building' is across the street but still, not the same class, not even in the same building..
so it becomes quite rare for me to see him.. he always (i guess) arrived late while i'm always on time. he got out from the class reaaaaally long.. while i always got out of the class ASAP
so yeah....
quite heartbroken but well, maybe it's for the best.
and anyway if it really meant to be, there has to be another way around..
BUT
i am not getting my hopes up..
since my self-esteem is very very very low...
and i can't help to be mesmerized every time i saw him looking all handsome and flawless.
i'm just me and i don't think i could actually be anyone's type.
so, lol, it's really impossible for anything to actually sprout from this total one-sided admiration.
i'll just stick to studying and having fun with friends (all that i have left) and having fun with myself..

i'm in the middle of experimenting with my appearance wkwkwk... since i can't really do anything with my face, and my hair is helpless.. i shall be doing it via clothes.. so i don't mind people's stare or even judgement they can judge anything they want with the way i wear my clothes.. but they certainly won't be getting any damn attention from me..

#peaceout