Late realization

After i went home from cram school today,
there's one thing that has been stuck in my mind.
it's because of one thing that ciripah said
it was when we were waiting in front of the gate, like usual..
he's already out and has been sitting in his usual spot.
and then all my friends from my school who are now in different classes than me, came to me and ciripah's building.
and we talked and talked still in front of the gate.

begitu gw sama ciripah berdiri kan, dia ngeliet ya ke arah kami. terus ciripah langsung bilang
"omak ren, dia ngeliet ke sini"
trus aku bilang lah "iya cir, aku tau"
dan akhirnya ciripah mengerti kalo tatapan si Mr.H itu selama ini begimana.

nah jadi kan gw td sesak pipis bgt asli ga boong. tp trs kamar mandi di bangunan kami gak ada air ugh...
jadi gw mnt tolong sama temen gw yg kelasnya tuh di bangunannya si Mr.H buat nemenin ke wc mrk aja...
jadi ya
gw ngelewatin Mr.H dengan kawan2nya yg lagi duduk di motor mrk masing2.
sejujurnya gw pengen ngomong ke cowok yg kemaren gw pinjem catatannya itu. soalnya dia jg ada disitu. bahkan ada temen cowok gw yg gw kenal itu. tapi...
TAPI
gila gw ga sanggup. gw jalan aja cepet2 ke wc sama tmn gw, ngelewatin mrk. gw ga ngeliet ke arah mrk sama sekali.
nah
pas balik kan
si ciripah bilang kalo si Mr.H ngelietin ke arah mrk berdiri aja teruss

and it hit me

what if

he likes my friend?

what if

he actually likes ciripah? it really wasn't a big surprise
since ciripah is really pretty and there're a lot of guy who likes her

what if

maybe even if it's not ciripah, what if someone from my school.
we used to be in the same class back then in first semester, so it's not really impossible

what if

he has been looking at me because, idk, say, he want to actually ask something about my friend that he likes?

what if

what if

#depressed

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i seriously need to get a mirror.
maybe he hasn't been looking at me these whole time.

these 'what if's could seriously kill me.