Apology and Goodbye

I once read a quote on Tumblr that said something like this "wanna know who your real friends are? messed up, and see who's still there."
I always thought i wanna do something like that. not to tested my friends, but to ease myself that i didn't pick the wrong friends. and last year, well, at the end of last year, i had that chance.
i messed up, I'm being self-centered and arrogant and act like a jerk. but thanks to that, i really found out the people who understand me and accepted me.
i know, i act arrogant, i'm sorry. i'm a jerk.
i know, i used some strong words, i'm sorry. i'm a jerk.
i know, i have became very selfish, i'm sorry. i'm a jerk.
and i certainly know if you don't like me anymore, then, goodbye.
i'm seeing all of the things that have happened in a new point of view.
i won't regret doing the things that i've done.
because sooner or later, they will hate me.
yeah, i'm not being honest to them all of this time. so i'm sure if they found out about my secret in the future, they'll hate me even more.
sooo, why don't they just hate me right now, lost contact, ignore each other. and the next time they found out about that secret, they'll be like "whatever, i don't care, i'm not her friend anymore."
yeah, i really do think that is the best solution.
they're busy with their new life anyway. so why should i stuck in the past all alone by myself? i should move on too.
I don't think i have the mood and courage and even a slightest bit of excitement to see them in the future.
right now,

I'm going to be an egoist.