24 July 2010

hey

wow, i choosed a bad title didn't i? but whatever. oh man, how long is it since the last time i updated my blog? hahaha... okay, let me explain to everyone that's reading my post: the internet in Indonesia SUCKS REAL BAD. no lie.
okay so i've started my school from like what? 2 weeks ago? yea something lah
the first day: HARSH.
you know what, i gotta hold my tears from the morning till evening. everything is just so different. i don't think i'm ready to adapted myself. it's just, aaaaaaaaaaaaah.. the class, the teachers, the lessons, the classmates. oh God..
I always try my best to keep contacting with my friends, because you know what? i'm afraid.
i'm not afraid of them forgetting me.
but what i'm really afraid of is that i will be the one who forget them.
i don't know, i just can't imagine if someday i won't care even if they're online, i won't care a damn thing to wrote on their wall, i won't miss them anymore.

that is what i'm really afraid of.

that's why i think i never opened up with my classmates here, i don't wanna talk with them. because if i found one or more of them that is kinda fun and cool to be friends with, i might have don't have this feeling of missing KL anymore.

BUT

no. i won't let that happened. even if i have new friends here, i won't forget them.
what my best friends in KL gave me is not only happiness. we've been through a lot of things. and you won't understand it. IT'S.A.LOT. we've been through hard times, good times, BAD times, stupid lessons, stupid stuff, stupid game, stupid talks, cool friendship, bad friendship, feeling of hating, feeling of loving. oh God there's too many :'(

the fact that i won't forget is: our family. Ilegall (apa Illegal?) family. it doesn't matter if even all of them forget about that. i love them. i used to think the word "love" is merely a word. but know, this word "love" can make me cry for the whole week. it gave me this great feeling of missing. the longing that made both of my eyes and heart hurts.

i don't know what to do if one day they forget about me. wait, maybe a suicide?

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