31 January 2013

Negativity

It's depressing, right? It's been a while since my last post, and the first thing i write is about negativity.
For some of you who doesn't know me that good, i shall tell you that i'm quite a labile person.
Throughout the day my mood was nice, until just a few hours ago, i got depressed.
Heaven knows what's gotten into me.
I just feels like a loser.
Nothing to be proud of.
Nothing to be noticed by.
I guess, i don't know, maybe i'm just tired.
Tiba2 aja gt ngerasa ga pede, ga bersemangat, ga mau bersosialisasi dulu.
Ntahlah, mungkin begitu gw bangun dr tidur besok, perasaan ini bakal ilang. Tapi, mungkin jg semakin parah -_-
Di saat begini, gw cuman pengen tidur seharian. Menjauh dari keramaian, melupakan sekolah, UN, SBMPTN, dll, dsb.
Rasanya terlalu banyak yg dipikirkan, terlalu banyak orang yg harus disenangi.
Ironis bahwa di saat seperti ini, yg bs membuat gw tersenyum dr hati lagi hanyalah fishie.
Senang rasanya kalo ada yg tidak melihat kita dengan cara yg berbeda walau apapun yg terjadi pada kita di hari ini. Senang rasanya melihat sesuatu yg tetap di kala semua berubah. Senang rasanya bisa berhenti berpura2.
Berpura2 senang, berpura2 santai, berpura2 bahwa semuanya tidak apa2.
Capek.
Orang2 yg kita harus pikirkan. Itu sebenarnya yg membuat paling capek, kalo menurut gw.
Belom cukup mikirin diri sendiri, orang tua, keluarga, teman2, org luar jg harus dipikirin? Makanya gw orangnya (mungkin) bs dianggap sombong, padahal jujur aja nih, gw hanya awkward. Gw ga bs bersosialisasi. Dan gw ga suka.
Kalo gw suka sama lo, gw bs nyerocos non stop ttg apapun, tapi kalo gw ga kenal ama lo, otomatis gw ga bs.
Dan gw heran.
Enggak semua pertanyaan itu perlu jawaban.
"Kenapa gini?", "kenapa begitu?", "kok gak ini?", "ada apa?"
Capeeeeeeek woy gw jawabnya.
Apa sekarang gw udah ga berhak mengambil keputusan apapun?
Oke gw tau, mungkin itu cara org menunjukkan rasa pedulinya.
Tapi, bro, give me a break. The man needs some privacy.
I need privacy.
I don't like being surrounded by a lot of people who doesn't even care about my existence.

1 comment:

apple berry said...

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