Negativity

It's depressing, right? It's been a while since my last post, and the first thing i write is about negativity.
For some of you who doesn't know me that good, i shall tell you that i'm quite a labile person.
Throughout the day my mood was nice, until just a few hours ago, i got depressed.
Heaven knows what's gotten into me.
I just feels like a loser.
Nothing to be proud of.
Nothing to be noticed by.
I guess, i don't know, maybe i'm just tired.
Tiba2 aja gt ngerasa ga pede, ga bersemangat, ga mau bersosialisasi dulu.
Ntahlah, mungkin begitu gw bangun dr tidur besok, perasaan ini bakal ilang. Tapi, mungkin jg semakin parah -_-
Di saat begini, gw cuman pengen tidur seharian. Menjauh dari keramaian, melupakan sekolah, UN, SBMPTN, dll, dsb.
Rasanya terlalu banyak yg dipikirkan, terlalu banyak orang yg harus disenangi.
Ironis bahwa di saat seperti ini, yg bs membuat gw tersenyum dr hati lagi hanyalah fishie.
Senang rasanya kalo ada yg tidak melihat kita dengan cara yg berbeda walau apapun yg terjadi pada kita di hari ini. Senang rasanya melihat sesuatu yg tetap di kala semua berubah. Senang rasanya bisa berhenti berpura2.
Berpura2 senang, berpura2 santai, berpura2 bahwa semuanya tidak apa2.
Capek.
Orang2 yg kita harus pikirkan. Itu sebenarnya yg membuat paling capek, kalo menurut gw.
Belom cukup mikirin diri sendiri, orang tua, keluarga, teman2, org luar jg harus dipikirin? Makanya gw orangnya (mungkin) bs dianggap sombong, padahal jujur aja nih, gw hanya awkward. Gw ga bs bersosialisasi. Dan gw ga suka.
Kalo gw suka sama lo, gw bs nyerocos non stop ttg apapun, tapi kalo gw ga kenal ama lo, otomatis gw ga bs.
Dan gw heran.
Enggak semua pertanyaan itu perlu jawaban.
"Kenapa gini?", "kenapa begitu?", "kok gak ini?", "ada apa?"
Capeeeeeeek woy gw jawabnya.
Apa sekarang gw udah ga berhak mengambil keputusan apapun?
Oke gw tau, mungkin itu cara org menunjukkan rasa pedulinya.
Tapi, bro, give me a break. The man needs some privacy.
I need privacy.
I don't like being surrounded by a lot of people who doesn't even care about my existence.

Surprise, surprise..

I told you on my last post about the guy in my cram school.
Guess what, he DID have different days from mine.
Mine are tuesday, thursday and saturday while his were monday, wednesday and friday.
Well when i went to the class on Tuesday, sure enough, he was not there. Quite dissapointed, i was. But anyway i already saw this coming.
But then the pleasant surprise came on thursday.
I really have given up all hope that i'd be able to see him again. And one more time when the attendance list was being passed around, i didn't saw his name.
I sat on the second row on the left side only with ciripah.
And then recess came.
Me and ciripah sat for a little longer until the whole class is only 4 people left including us.
We are still not comfortable with our new class, though almost half of it is from our old classmate.
Anywayyy
When we have reached the door, i suddenly turned around.
I saw his bag (me and him have the same bag by the way). My heart really went crazy.
I grabbed ciripah's hand and made her look at that bag.
I guess she just don't want me to get my hopes up since we did not see his name on the attendance, so she said maybe someone else have the same bag.
Well that is possible
But at that time i got my hope up a little bit,
But then again, when we went out, he's not on his usual seat. There's this "chair" that he and his friends would sit, it's near a tree wkwkwk...
So by that time, my hope really lost.
We were about to buy some snacks but there are a lot of people, i mean guys, over there that we decided to went back inside.
When the lesson starts again, my hope came back. And whenever the door opened up, i looked back.
I think it's like the fourth of fifth time when the door opened up that he finally showed up.
I am not wrong. It really is his bag.
I cannot believe my eyes, though it really happened.

Still, better not get my hopes up, cause maybe he just went to that class as a make-up class when he didn't come on monday (my friend said that).

Though he's quite bald now...............................