LDR (Long Distance Relationship)

who says long distance relationship only applies for couple?

it applies for any kind of relation.

brotherhood, sisterhood, friendship, and sometimes even family.

all of them have one main reason why their relation screwed.

both parties stop trying.

how can both parties stop trying?

well there are many things that effect a person's mind.

environment, the people around them, pain, lost of feelings.

sometimes i wonder,

how can me and my best friends still have a lot to talk about when we're back at our home. you know, we chat and stuffs. when we actually have been talking about a lot of things back in school. we've been together at school for like 8 hours. how can we not run out of things to talk about? how could there be so much more to be discussed?

but then, when we're apart, how can there be nothing left to say?

how can there be nothing left to ask? to discuss? to laugh at? to be... just to be together?

i keep wondering how wild can a human's mind goes. it's really is weird thinking that someday you walk past by someone that used to be your whole world, but you didn't even recognized them.

it's weird how they say distance ruined relationship.

because that's not true. that's not true at all.

distance didn't ruined anything. here's a proof: when you're studying far away from home. you will miss you parents/family right? so, what did you do? you call home. you talk with them. you're happy by just listening to their voices.

so what does the difference between that and couple's relation? between that and friendship?

it will only be ruined if you got tired of trying. you got tired of being the only one who cares about the relationship. you got tired because the other party seems to be just fine.

you will always have this 'homesick' when you're away from home. no matter how far you are from home. because a part of you is always in you home. no matter what.

so does a part of you will always be with the other party. but then, why do you quit? why do you stop trying? is it too unbearable to be miserable? does it hurt so much seeing the other party looking fine, looking happy?

you began to look for their flaws, you began to judge them. you began to find excuses, you began to dislike them.

what did you got in the end?

did you feel free? did you feel relieved? did you feel happy?

i guess not.

Apology and Goodbye

I once read a quote on Tumblr that said something like this "wanna know who your real friends are? messed up, and see who's still there."
I always thought i wanna do something like that. not to tested my friends, but to ease myself that i didn't pick the wrong friends. and last year, well, at the end of last year, i had that chance.
i messed up, I'm being self-centered and arrogant and act like a jerk. but thanks to that, i really found out the people who understand me and accepted me.
i know, i act arrogant, i'm sorry. i'm a jerk.
i know, i used some strong words, i'm sorry. i'm a jerk.
i know, i have became very selfish, i'm sorry. i'm a jerk.
and i certainly know if you don't like me anymore, then, goodbye.
i'm seeing all of the things that have happened in a new point of view.
i won't regret doing the things that i've done.
because sooner or later, they will hate me.
yeah, i'm not being honest to them all of this time. so i'm sure if they found out about my secret in the future, they'll hate me even more.
sooo, why don't they just hate me right now, lost contact, ignore each other. and the next time they found out about that secret, they'll be like "whatever, i don't care, i'm not her friend anymore."
yeah, i really do think that is the best solution.
they're busy with their new life anyway. so why should i stuck in the past all alone by myself? i should move on too.
I don't think i have the mood and courage and even a slightest bit of excitement to see them in the future.
right now,

I'm going to be an egoist.