i wish.. i think.. i'm scared

Oh, there's so many things happened in this past few days.
First, let me tell you that my boyfriend IS BACK!
here's our picture :D


and second, my Dad is back! he bought me :

A piano book

A chocolate that is simply delicious

A notebook

The brand is Samsung
and i am tottaly in love with this notebook

ohhh thank you daddy :D

and the third is a long story...
get ready for it (d'oh!)

So, this few days i always felt down and i don't know why.
it's like something's wrong and i don't know what it is.
that "something" really bother me.
and that something is BIG.
really big that it makes me scared.
Seriously, it's like i've done something really bad and nobody knows about that.
but,
that doesn't makes sense.
aaaaaaaaaaaaa!!
it's killing me (i mean, my mind) slowly.
is it about friends? best friends? love? school? family?
i wish i know :(
i don't like this
I think it's not about Love. because there's no love right now. only pain and sorrow. but if it's because friends or best friends... i just wish it's not what i think it is.
i wanted to cry badly but the tears won't drop
i want to be mad at everyone but i can't be mad
i wanted to throw everythings that is in my way, but i don't have enough strength.
i wish, everything will be better

And so, i really want to say to anyone that read this post
I am so sorry from the bottom of my heart if i've done something that hurt you guys
I'm just a normal human being. I am trying my best to be *almost* perfect. but it's as hard as someone ask you to choose whether to kill your family or your friend to survive. right?