Wow i really miss this place. I feel like years had passed since the last time i updated this blog.

A lot of things had happened, a lot of things had brought me down, brought me happiness, some random shit called exam is happening, the war is on going, and i know there's going to be a lot more in the future.

The thing is, i had given up liking '19'.

And ever since that, it's never the same. I don't know what i feel anymore. It feels... Empty. It does sounds exaggerating but i swear that's exactly how i feel.

Actually, we had found someone to 'idolize' again, like we used to be with 'Ronaldo' if any of you still remember. He's a first year, yes, he's Chinese. And....... He somehow (and i really don't like it) ended up in the same class as Ronaldo -_-

His name is Freddy. He's not, like, REALLY handsome. I mean, if you just saw him for a split second, he's just normal.. but. When you stop and stare at him for a while, he's flawless. Really. And he got this kind of really sharp eyes when he looks around. Ugh, it's so heart-throbbing.

Uhm, and yeah, he already noticed that we (me, monique, ila, ciripah) are madly in love with him.

Oh God, there's one time when we're peeking to see if he's inside the classroom and he actually looked outside. At us. With his sharp eyes. Melted.

He's just... Different. He's smart. Srsly. We (well, to be honest, it's me) kinda tried to know more info about him and so i looked into our school's website to find it. He's a new kid so he need to took an exam to enter our school, and so anyway we found out that he's really smart.

Even in the morning sometimes we'll see him reading a book. Yes, he actually studies. And he's not like some jerk we like back then, he did not try to stay away from us, i mean, he's just like 'well whatever'. And he's so coooool and he only got this one dude as his friend. I mean, tottally. He went almost everywhere with him.

I thought that being a fan to Freddy will somehow filled this emptiness. But, i just realized today, that it didn't.

Today i 'saw' 19. Well, actually, my friend did. We're walking to the front gate to go back home. And she dragged me with her, passing this table. Monique was walking behind me, and i was talking with her. And it's hard talking to our back, so i turned my body a little bit and i continue on talking:

"ko ada uang nik?!" and Monique didn't reply so i said it again with a louder voice.

"ko ada uang nik?!!"

And that's when i realized right in front of my face (which i turned to my left) it's him. Right there. Sitting and talking with his friend. It's not far from the place i stood. And he looked at me. Maybe. I guess. But i think it's just for a split second.

Why did i wrote this? Because now, that's the only thing that got stuck in my head. That's the only thing i've been thinking about since i went home

So i realized, i still care about what he may think.. And i still care about how i look in front of him. And it hurts a lot. All this time i've only been hiding my true feelings.

But i'm too heart broken already to continue on liking him. I didn't exist in his world, i should've known better.

Oh yeah, did i forgot to mentioned that i have deleted him as my friend on facebook? It's like a month ago.

i've given up. i'm empty. i'm hopeless. i'm a coward. i'm a loser. i'm a quitter. i've already lose before the war even started.

thank you for being a part of my story

i know,

i know, it's been more than a month since my last post...
wkwkwk.. i just don't know what to write.
it's been kinda quiet (READ: extremely busy) days.. but now, i've got several things to announce.

1st:
I quit, I give up from liking 19.
WHY???!!
well, now that i've became an 11th grader, i don't see him that much ._.
you know, my class is on the 1st floor, while his is on the 4th floor. of course, every recess i went to the 4th floor to see my old clasmates (i even think they got sick of seeing my face LOL) but he's always, like ALWAYS, inside of his classroom.
and even when i happened to came accros him on the stairs or wherever, my heart doesn't beat that fast anymore... it's just like POOF! all the feelings just disappear.
no more feelings, just memories.

2nd:
i do hope you guys still remember Ronaldo.
yeah.... he's so hot.
like, totally. now he's a 10th grader, and his class is on the same floor like my friends. and him wearing a high school uniform is like oh my gawddd..
but don't worry, we don't like him like the old time anymore.. it's really just like a refreshment for our eyes. and he already got a person he likes.
sometimes we saw him after our extra class because he entered one too.. yeah, his appearance is flawless. too bad his personality sucks.

3rd:
I'm in love with this newbie boyband called Teen Top they just released they 1st mini album, and all of their songs is just......


this is the one that i really love

his full name is Ahn Daniel, they just called him Niel. aaaaaaaaaaaaaa~
another one is him:


he's more like the manly type you know? his name (well, his stage name) is L.Joe

4th:
lastly, SUPER JUNIOR IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!
they just released their 5th album. oh GAWWWWWWWWWWWWDD



yeah, wicked.

there's this translation of a song that i just read. the title is "Good Friends"
this is the part that kinda got me:

I was so tense the first day. I wasn’t able to say anything.
At that time I never thought we would have so many days together.

aaaand this:

There will come a day when we will have to separate.
We might not be able to see one another.
When that happens, our memories will give us strength until the day we are able to meet again.

Truly, I hope me and my best friends can do that. I hope we'll have a long relationship together. I hope my child/children can meet them, and I'll introduce them as my very best friends. And I miss them a lot.

Long Break

Okay, how's holiday? Mine WAS fine,
I went to Bandung, Jakarta, Bandung again, Cilacap, Jogja, Bandung again, and then back to Medan.
The trouble is right now.
I'm in medan again, and my parents suddenly (well, not really) decided to renovate the house.
Jadi ya lu bayangin lah men. Balik2 setengah rmh gw bolong ._.
Dan gilaaaaaaaa rumah gw isinya debu. Sumpah debu.
Paling parah itu ruang tamu, soalnya masih kyk setengah jadi gt kan, jendela nya blm dipasang.
Jadi pas gw lg nyapu tu ruangan, gw ga bs napas. Pernah ga sih ke sauna? Tau kan rasanya klo ud terlalu lama di dalem, terus rasanya sesak ga bs napas soalnya ruangannya penuh sama udara panas? Nah gitulah di ruang tamu gw, tp bukan krn udara panas, debu.
But it's fun...
Well, we look as if we're going to move out.
We took out all of our books from the wardrobe, and the put it in a big boxes
And that IS tiring
After that, me and my brothers took a break from house, and went to my father's campus to practice our driving skills again.
And then we went back home, struggling to move the BIG wardrobe and now, here i am. Me shirt is super wet and i'm struggling. Should i take a bath? Well, i think i need to. But, yeah give me some more time
You wanna look at my "future" house? Well, you probably don't, but here it is anyway.
This is going to be my future room.


yeah, it's currently used to hang our laundry -_-
This is going to be my brothers's

And this is goung to be our new entrance.


The wall behind it? It's my room. Yeah, my beautiful room. They're going to break that down too. But not until the new rooms are finished.
I really love my room ya know. I mean, the room is really totally blue-ish, but they're going to paint the new room of mine with blue color too, so it's fine.
This time i'm going to hang all of the posters i've kept kekeke~
ah, i can't wait.


You think what's the connection from the title?
Well, i want to take a break from this cyber world.
I'ma deactivated my facebook acc, abandoned my twitter, and leave this blog to hibernate.
You'll see me sometimes on Tumblr.
Oh, and i also will turn off both of my cellphones. I'm kinda allergic to people this days.
Maybe i'll turn it on once a week or maybe not.
I don't really know why i did this. Maybe because i want to see who's going to miss me haha
Nah, i think i want to get used to it, since i want to start studying more serious in 11th grade.
Sammy will be hibernating for a long time too.
Yeah, so... That's that. Bye.

Relation

so people, i've been playing The Sims 3 in my cousin's laptop.
yeah, that thing really is addictive.
while playing that game, i learned a lesson.
you know how in The Sims we always need to mantain our relationship with our friends? or our lover and our family.
without reliazing it, i feels pissed off. why do we always need to be in contact with them so they'll stay as our friend?
and i really lost a lot of friends in that game, since i am too busy thinking about my life, my career.
but you know what the irony is?
my sim just got depressed for 24 hours.
seriously
and then she just felt like usual again.
i wonder if that's also that easy in real life
if you lost your friend/s, of course at first you'll feel depresed. but then time pass, you got busy with your whole new world without your friend/s. you'll eventually MOVE ON.
you'll forgot about your friend/s sooner or later.
it didn't even crossed your mind anymore to chat them, let alone text them

relation IS complicated.

but you know what? if they're worth fighting for, they'll try to mantain your relationship.

so if they don't, just the hell with them

no, don't force that "how are you?" to them if you don't give a fuck
don't told them "i miss you so much!" if their name didn't popped out in your head EVERY TIME.
don't even dare to gave them even the slightest care if you're forcing it.

anyway, beware of fakers. they're everywhere. feel it with your heart, and you'll know who's real.

aaah, i hope ending a relationship with people is as easy as farting.

quick post

okay, i gotta keep you up to date with 19.
so, the other day (well, long, long, long ago) i asked my friend to wall 19
it's nothing actually. i just wanna make sure that he picked science for 11th grade
and so he asked,
and he answered.
he said yes, he did choosed science
and my friend so stupidly asked his number. wkwkkwkwk
whatever
he said he doesn't have cellphone anymore.
he lost his cellphone. and he won't got another cellphone until like, 11th grade.
and the way he replied to my friend's wall was so so so so so so so so adorable.

and this happened yesterday.
i was stalking his facebook account, and somehow i got to the-indian-boy-i-mention-quite-a-few-time facebook account. it's private. but that's not the point. you see, his profile picture, got 19 in it. and not in the uniform, oh no, but in white shirt and short pants. WHITE SHIRT AND SHORT PANTS.

fffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

i really want that picturee!!! but how the hell can i get it. because adding him (the indian boy) will be quite.......................

and thus, the end of my post

days when i'm gone

remember when i said there's only 1: 1000000000000000000 possibility that i'll met him? well,
here goes:

WEDNESDAY-25 May 2011

- physics
- kinda nailed it
saya keluar jam 10 dari kelas. saat berjalan di halaman sekolah ke arah kantin, 19 jg baru keluar dr koridor tengah. damn.

THURSDAY-26 May 2011

- economics & sociology
- economics: fine, sociology: awesome
saya keluar jam 9.30 gitu deh klo ga salah. terus kan gw ke kantin dulu nunggu sampe jam 10. gw ngeliet dy. di kursi bawah pohon. yea, gw lagi makan. tapi abis itu pas gw memalingkan wajah, dia menghilang.

FRIDAY-27 May 2011

- chemistry
- dead.
didn't saw him. well, i'm pretty much a ghost that day. because, well, it's chemistry.

SATURDAY-28 May 2011

- moral & english
- dua2nya adalah sepotong kue (baca: piece of cake)
yeah, i saw him. dan kali ini dewa.
jadi kan gw keluar nya cepet tuh. 1 jam udah keluar. nah tp pas gw di kantin, gw gak ada ngeliet dy. jadi gw pikir jangan2 dy udah pulang. nah udah gt kan gw, ila, ciripah, sama monik mau liet jadwal les buat hari minggu soalnya senen ujian matematika. jadi ya dengan santai berjalan ke lantai 2, udah selesai, kami langsung misah sama monik dan ciripah.
NAH
pas dijalan balik ke kantin tiba2 ila: "ren, ren!"
itu sih biasanya artinya ada 19. jadi kan gw langsung *searching* gitu dan.. sepertinya sedari tadi dia sudah berada di kantin. tapi ketutupan tanaman gitu loh. tanamannya ini tinggi. gatau sejenis tanaman apa ya.. ya, jadi seperti kata ila, kalo dy gak ngasi tau, gw ga bakal tau 19 ada disitu. soalnya gw udah mikirnya dia pulang.
abis itu yaudah kami duduk di meja kami. gw mengikuti sosok 19 dibalik tanaman2 itu. trus kan pandangan gw terlepas gitu, jadi gw dengan seksama dan mata rada di sipitin, mencari kembali sosoknya. trus ada yg menghadap ke arah kantin gt kan. gw udah mikir gini "itu 19 bukan ya? itu 19 bukan?" dan masih sambil ngelietin. trus org itu ngebalikin badannya lagi, dan, ya. itu 19. oke deeeh... awkward........
abis itu kan 5 menit sebelum jam 10 gitu gw ngajak ila ke wc, ya, buat ngeliet dy. jadi kami berjalan seperti:


cukup dewa? oh belum..
abis itu gw dr wc, dari pintu wc, diem2 kyk stalker ngeliet ke luar. tiba2.... dy lewat. tentu saja ada tembok setinggi 1 m gitu dan untungnya dy ga ngeliet ke kanan. tp ttp aja. waw. abis itu gw suruh ila memberi jeda waktu sebentar supaya ga ketauan. jadi kami berdiri di dalam wc dengan wajah seperti ._.
setelah itu saat keluar........

*note: jarak pendek artinya gw jalannya lambat, dan kalo panjang berarti lari.
yak, abis itu dy pulang, jadi saya jg pulang.

MONDAY-30 May 2011

- Math
- killed.
- didn't saw him

TUESDAY-31 May 2011

- Indonesia language and Geography
- nailed Geo, but totally humble to Indonesia languange
well, this time it's pretty ngaib. jadi intinya catatan biologi gw dipinjem sama tmn sekelas gw dan dari kemaren2 dy lupa bawa mulu. tetapi karena bsk adalah pelajaran biologi, of course gw ancam dy kalo ga bawa -_-
jadi gw nunggu dy kan di kantin, tp kagak muncul2 jg. 19 jg gak ada btw. trs udah hampir jam 10 gitu, monik dan ciripah pulang. gw sama ila ingin mencari temen gw itu. terus kami ngumpul bersama teman2 kami di belokan ke tangga gitu (emang lokasinya sangat....)
terus gw minjem hp cakra buat nelfon cewek nya temen gw itu kan. terus katanya mrk udah mau turun. oke deh jadi kami beramai2 nunggu disitu.
akhirnya alwyn (nama temen gw itu) muncul bersama ceweknya (meilinda namanya). langsung lah gw mendekati alwyn dan tanya mana catatan gw. si alwyn masih bercanda kalo dy ga bawa. gw udah ngamuk. dan gw lagi mengeluarkan suara2 aneh menandakan gw kesal. ternyata 19 di belakang alwyn. dan saat itu dy melewati kami. dan saat itu nadia mengatakan "ren...ren.." dan yg lain ngeliatin gw dengan mata yg........

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

WEDNESDAY-01 June 2011

-biology
-no comment
-no, i didn't saw him
-went to karaoke with my friends.